If There Are So Many Great Men Out There, Why Are You Only Attracting Losers?

If There Are So Many Great Men Out There, Why Are You Only Attracting Losers? ©iStock/SolisImages

Finding a great man can feel like an impossible goal when you meet so many who aren’t worth your time. But since you’re a great woman, it only makes sense that there are good men out there, too. If you’re having trouble finding a truly great guy, it might be time to do some introspection and ask yourself if these things are preventing him from entering your life:

  1. The great men aren’t your type. A common reason why you’re not dating a great guy is because you’re all the wrong ones tend to fit right in with your “type.” Time to change things up. This could really help to freshen up your dating life. Guys who don’t fit in with your usual preferences might seem like a bad idea, but they could actually surprise you.
  2. They’re not where you’re looking for them. You might keep an eye out for great guys when you’re hitting up your favorite bar or club, but bear in mind the guys who hang out at these places aren’t necessarily the ones you want to marry. It might be better to check out other places, like bookstores and coffee shops, or try a different dating website.
  3. They’re not always connected to your friends. The idea that your friends will help you get in contact with amazing guys they know is often just a huge myth. Sure, it might happen, but if you’ve had the same social circle for many years, you’ve probably exhausted the opportunity to meet new guys. Your friends aren’t always going to introduce you to interesting men, even if that’s how they see them.
  4. You’re using the same old dating app. Dating apps can help you meet guys you might not have ever run into in real life. If you’re only using one app, though, then you need to broaden your technological horizons a bit. A dating app you’ve never tried before can help you get in touch with different guys. It’s worth a shot!
  5. You’re afraid of the decent men. You’ve bulleted some genuinely good guys in the past because you associate “nice” with boring. But this doesn’t have to be true. Your happiness could very well lie with the sweet guy who you’ve never thought of as more than a friend, so if you’re not having luck with anyone else, consider giving him a chance.
  6. You have a mile-long shopping list. It’s good to know what you’re looking for in a partner, but it’s totally unrealistic if you go on a first date with a non-negotiable list in your mind. He must be a certain height? He must be a certain age? He must dress in a specific way? Woah. Stick to looking for qualities in your partner that would actually benefit you, such as honesty and a sense of humor, and make sure that you’re not cutting out great guys because of something superficial that really doesn’t matter in the long run.
  7. You judge lots of guys without really knowing them. When you meet guys, you’re quick to tell if you like them or not. If not, then you immediately write them off. The result is that you might end up looking back and realizing you pushed away a lot of men who might have really been great for you, but by the time you look back and realize that you made a mistake, they’ll have already moved on. Take the time to really get to know a man before judging him next time, and you might be surprised at what happens.
  8. You block out new experiences. When you are invited to try something new, such as a yoga class or weekend hike, you’re quick to say “no” for reasons ranging from being scared to move out of your comfort zone to just being too dang tired. But blocking out new experiences just means that you’re also shutting out the potential for lots of fun… and perhaps the chance to meet someone new. Say “yes” once in a while and see how things change.
  9. You’re waiting for the wrong guy to become the right one. You’re dating a guy who would be perfect if only he got his life together, stopped being so afraid of commitment, and so on. Instead of leaving the unsatisfying relationship to find someone better, you’re stuck in the loop of wishful thinking and totally missing the chance to find a relationship that makes you happy. Find someone who makes you happy from the start, and your luck is bound to turn.
  10. You’re hoping the great guys will find you. It’s nuts when people say that love will find you. It makes you think that a great guy is going to come knocking on your door, desperate to have you. If you want a great guy, you have to go out there and make the effort to find him yourself. Even being a bit more sociable or open to the idea of meeting new people can help. Get out of the mindset that he’ll come to you when he’s ready. Screw that. If you want something, be bold and go out and get it!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.