If We’ve Gone On A Few Dates, I Expect You To Be Exclusive

I know that we’ve yet to “define the relationship” and that we need to so we both know we’re on the same page. That said, if you’ve been dating me for a few weeks and we really hit it off, I expect you to stop dating other women. Is that too much to ask?

  1. This isn’t “The Bachelor.” I really don’t like the idea of dating a guy who’s dating other women. If we’re holding hands and kissing, you shouldn’t be doing this with other women. That’s just gross AF. This isn’t some dating reality show; this is real life with real people’s feelings. If you think that you can be sort of exclusive just to get away with having lots of women at once, you’ve got another thing coming, jerk.
  2. There’s some truth to the “four date rule.” After four dates, things start to either head to a relationship or fizzle away. It’s pretty easy to see where things are going by this stage, so if a guy is still keen to date me after three dates, we’re heading to more official waters. It’s a journey you should only be taking with one person at a time; otherwise, you’re a sleazeball.
  3. If there’s a connection, it should only be with me. If we get along and you’ve hinted at how we really have a great connection, you shouldn’t be dating other women. Come on, that totally makes you a player! Either you’re BS’ing me with the “connection” talk or you don’t value our connection enough to want it to grow.
  4. You shouldn’t want to date other women, anyway. If there’s a romance blooming, then why the heck would you even want to potentially mess that up by having dates with other people? That screams out that you’re not looking for anything serious.
  5. I wouldn’t expect something of you that I’m not prepared to offer in return. I have a rule that when things start to become a little serious with a guy or I have a really amazing vibe from the first date, I don’t date other guys. Period. Why the heck would I? I want to see things through with one guy. If we both agree to concentrate only on each other, we actually have a chance of building something real.
  6. Things should be exclusive before making them official. It’s really your actions that reveal your intentions, so much more than blatantly saying you want to date exclusively. If you’re showing me that you want to be exclusive by spending most of your free time with me and deleting your dating apps, then clearly we’re heading to a relationship where no third parties are allowed.
  7. I don’t want to feel like an option. I want to be someone’s priority, not an option. The thought of being on someone’s list of potential girlfriends makes me sick. I want to know that I’m entering into relationship territory with someone who won’t be leading me on or making me feel like I’ve got to try to win their interest. That is so not gonna happen.
  8. I want that first spark that makes us want to be exclusive. That feeling of meeting someone amazing and wanting to see where things go with them is such a high! It rocks my world. Having that, why would I need to keep my eyes open for someone else? That’s just self-destructive and stupid, so when a guy says he wants to date lots of women at once, I can’t help but think he’s just being a player or he’s not that into me.
  9. Why does it feel like too much to ask? I’ve heard people say that you should only be exclusive after quite a long time of dating and that it’s ridiculous to expect someone not to be dating lots of people at once. But I reckon that’s crap. When I meet someone who I know I like and want to be with, I’m loyal AF.
  10. I need to know you’re committed. One of the most important things is for me not to waste my time. It’s precious and that’s why I want to know what’s happening and that we’re onto something good as well as exclusive. I don’t want to be led down the garden path to a dead-end or be left in relationship limbo with someone who can’t commit. This can be avoided by showing that you want to be exclusive, FFS, or else moving on.
  11. If you’re not sure, don’t bother. Some guys will hold out on being exclusive because they’re not sure what they want. This might also make them date other women. The worst excuses for this, IMHO, is when guys say, “I want to date lots of women so that I figure out what I want” or, “I want to be sure where things are going.” No, you just want to have your cake and eat it. If you’re not sure what you want, then please don’t waste my time by trying to figure it out.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.