If You Have To Threaten To Leave Him, You’re Wasting Your Time

One of the worst things when dating someone is feeling like you have to babysit or chase them. If the guy you’re with is behaving inappropriately or just not treating you right, you shouldn’t have to warn him to shape up before you leave. If it’s gone that far, you should just get out now and stop wasting your time.

  1. He shouldn’t need a reminder. If you have to tell him that you’re going to leave if he doesn’t step up, you’re basically trying to ensure that he doesn’t forget how awesome you are. You shouldn’t have to do that. He should already know.
  2. You shouldn’t date someone who makes you insecure. If you feel a lack of confidence and self-worth every time you’re with your partner because they’re making you doubt them, that really sucks. You shouldn’t feel that. Your partner might not even be able to change that because it’s tied into how he feels for you. For example, maybe you tell your partner that you won’t stick around for their inconsistent behavior, but really they’re sending out mixed messages because they don’t see a future with you.
  3. Ultimatums can backfire. Telling your partner that you’ll leave by X date in the future unless they DTR/commit/stop flirting with other women might feel empowering, but it actually makes you seem like you’re desperate for change and have hit your last resort. Your partner could sense this in you and challenge your boundaries.
  4. You shouldn’t be afraid to leave. You might try to warn your partner that you’re going to walk away from the relationship because you actually are afraid to leave it. You don’t want to end things, and you’re hoping that this will make your partner become what you need and deserve.
  5. You can’t fix anyone. You might think, “But giving an ultimatum to my partner or warning them that I won’t stick around isn’t trying to fix them,” but just think of this: you’re hoping to jumpstart them into being better and treating you with more love and respect. Yeah, good luck with that. Chances are they won’t change for long.
  6. It’s a short-term fix. Your partner might get a fright and want to be better so that you don’t leave. But once you get comfortable in the relationship again, things are likely to go back to normal. That means the whole experience has actually just wasted your time.
  7. Your partner is showing you who they are. Whatever your partner is doing to make you want to walk away because you fear you’re wasting your time is actually part of who they are. They’re showing you that they’re not reliable, that they don’t really care, and so on. Why would you need to try to convince them to change or force them to step up and be a better boyfriend? Believe what you see and move on.
  8. You’ve already been hurt. Being hurt once is enough. You should be able to express your feelings and needs in a relationship. Your partner isn’t psychic, after all, and wants to know where your boundaries are and what you like versus what you don’t like. However, there are some behaviors that should come standard in your partner, like basic decency and respect. If those things are what’s causing you to want to walk away, they’re huge red flags that talking to your partner about won’t change. How much hurt are you supposed to take?
  9. Someone who’s worthy of you won’t put you here. If someone really cares about you and is committed to you, they’re going to give you much more respect and love than what you’re currently dealing with. They won’t hurt you and then cause you to have to remind them not to hurt you. What the hell? Someone worthy of your love won’t make you think about walking away because they’ll show you how nice it is to be with them.
  10. You should know your worth. You might think that it’s a good idea to give your partner a warning (or two, or five) before you take the leap and walk away for good, to give them the benefit of the doubt. But honestly? It could be better to step up your boundaries.
  11. “Hurt me once, i’m out” should be your dating mantra. Yes, go ahead and tell your partner what you want and what you won’t put up with, but then don’t chase them to remind them where you stand. They honestly don’t deserve all that attention when they’re not even giving you any.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.