Gaslighting isn’t just something other people do to us; we often do it to ourselves.
Self-gaslighting occurs when we invalidate our own experiences, emotions, or perceptions. The worst part is, this internal dialogue can be just as damaging as external manipulation. If you say any of these things to yourself, you’re guilty as charged and need to change the way you speak to yourself.
1. “I’m just being too sensitive.”
This phrase dismisses your emotional reactions as invalid or exaggerated. It’s a way of telling yourself that your feelings don’t matter or aren’t justified, a practice known as self-invalidation, Forbes explains. By labeling yourself as “too sensitive,” you’re invalidating your emotional experiences and potentially ignoring important signals about your environment or relationships. Everyone has different sensitivity levels, and your emotions are valid indicators of your experiences.
2. “I’m probably overreacting.”
Similar to the previous phrase, this statement minimizes your reactions to situations. It suggests that your response is disproportionate to the event, without allowing for the possibility that your reaction might be entirely appropriate. This self-doubt can prevent you from addressing legitimate concerns or standing up for yourself when necessary. Your reactions are based on your experiences and perceptions, and they deserve to be acknowledged and examined, not dismissed.
3. “It’s all in my head.”
This phrase invalidates your perceptions and experiences by suggesting they’re not real or important. It’s a way of gaslighting yourself into believing that your observations or feelings are imaginary or unwarranted. While it’s true that our minds can sometimes play tricks on us, consistently dismissing your thoughts and feelings as mere figments of your imagination can lead to a disconnect from reality and a lack of trust in your own judgment.
4. “I’m making a big deal out of nothing.”
By telling yourself this, you’re minimizing your concerns and invalidating your right to feel upset or troubled by something. What seems like “nothing” to others might be significant to you, and that’s okay. This phrase often stems from a fear of being seen as dramatic or difficult, but it’s important to remember that your feelings and concerns are valid, even if other people might not understand or agree with them.
5. “I should be over this by now.”
This statement imposes an arbitrary timeline on your emotional processing. Everyone heals and processes experiences at their own pace. By telling yourself you should be “over” something, you’re invalidating your ongoing feelings and potentially rushing your emotional healing process. This can lead to unresolved issues and prolonged distress. It’s important to allow yourself the time and space to fully process your experiences and emotions.
6. “I’m probably remembering it wrong.”
Doubting your own memory is a classic form of self-gaslighting. While it’s true that memories can be imperfect, consistently questioning your recollection of events can lead to a profound lack of trust in your own experiences. This self-doubt can make you more susceptible to external manipulation and can prevent you from advocating for yourself based on your lived experiences.
7. “I’m just imagining things.”
This phrase dismisses your perceptions and intuitions as unreliable or false. It’s a way of telling yourself that you can’t trust your own observations or feelings. While it’s important to maintain a realistic perspective, consistently doubting your perceptions can lead to a disconnection from reality and a lack of confidence in your ability to interpret the world around you. Your perceptions are valuable tools for navigating life and relationships.
8. “I don’t have the right to feel this way.”
By telling yourself this, you’re invalidating your emotional experiences and denying yourself the basic right to your feelings. Everyone has the right to their emotions, regardless of the circumstances. This phrase often stems from a belief that your feelings are somehow wrong or unjustified. Recognizing and accepting your emotions, without judgment, is crucial for emotional well-being and self-understanding.
9. “It’s my fault for not being good enough.”
This statement internalizes blame and suggests that negative experiences are due to your personal shortcomings. It’s a form of self-gaslighting that can lead to low self-esteem and a distorted view of your worth. While it’s important to take responsibility for your actions, not everything that happens is your fault. Many factors contribute to any situation, and it’s unfair to place all the blame on yourself.
10. “I’m just crazy.”
Labeling yourself as “crazy” is a severe form of self-invalidation. It dismisses your thoughts, feelings, and experiences as irrational or unworthy of consideration. This phrase can prevent you from seeking help or addressing real issues in your life. Everyone experiences a range of emotions and thoughts, and having intense feelings or unusual thoughts doesn’t make you “crazy.” It’s important to approach your mental experiences with compassion and seek understanding rather than dismissal.
11. “They didn’t mean to hurt me.”
While it’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt, consistently excusing hurtful behavior can be a form of self-gaslighting. This phrase minimizes your pain and can keep you in harmful situations or relationships. Whether someone intended to hurt you or not, your feelings of hurt are valid and deserve acknowledgment. It’s possible to understand that someone didn’t mean harm while still recognizing and addressing the impact of their actions on you.
12. “I’m just being selfish.”
This phrase often comes up when you’re considering your own needs or desires. It’s a way of invalidating your right to prioritize yourself. While it’s important to consider other people, consistently labeling your needs as selfish can lead to self-neglect and burnout, Psychology Today warns. Taking care of yourself and having boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being and allows you to show up more fully in your relationships and responsibilities.
13. “I should be grateful for what I have.”
While gratitude is generally positive, using this phrase to dismiss your own struggles or desires can be a form of self-gaslighting. It suggests that you don’t have the right to feel dissatisfied or want more because other people might have less. You can be grateful for what you have while still acknowledging areas of dissatisfaction or room for growth in your life. Your feelings and aspirations are valid, regardless of your current circumstances.
14. “I’m probably just tired.”
This statement can be a way of dismissing your emotions or physical symptoms without truly addressing them. While fatigue can indeed affect our mood and perceptions, consistently attributing your feelings or experiences to being tired can prevent you from identifying and addressing underlying issues. It’s important to listen to your body and emotions and consider multiple factors that might be influencing your state of being.
15. “I’m overthinking this.”
While it’s possible to ruminate excessively, labeling your thoughts as “overthinking” can be a way of invalidating your concerns or insights. This phrase often stems from a fear of being seen as neurotic or difficult. However, what might seem like overthinking could actually be your intuition or analytical skills at work. It’s important to give your thoughts due consideration and not dismiss them too quickly.
16. “I’m just looking for attention.”
This phrase invalidates your need for support or recognition. Everyone needs attention and support at times, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with seeking it. By labeling your needs as attention-seeking, you’re shaming yourself for having normal human desires for connection and validation. It’s important to recognize and honor your needs for support and find healthy ways to meet them.
17. “I don’t deserve better than this.”
This statement reflects a deeply ingrained belief in your own unworthiness. It’s a form of self-gaslighting that can keep you trapped in unfulfilling or even abusive situations. Everyone deserves respect, love, and opportunities for growth and happiness. By telling yourself you don’t deserve better, you’re reinforcing negative self-beliefs and potentially preventing yourself from seeking positive change in your life.
18. “I’m just being dramatic.”
Labeling your reactions as “dramatic” is a way of invalidating the intensity of your emotions or experiences. It suggests that your response is exaggerated or unwarranted. This self-gaslighting phrase can prevent you from fully acknowledging and processing your feelings. It’s important to remember that your emotional responses are valid, even if they feel intense. Instead of dismissing them as dramatic, try to understand the root causes of your reactions.
19. “It’s not a big deal.”
This phrase minimizes your experiences and can prevent you from addressing issues that are important to you. What might not seem like a “big deal” in the grand scheme of things could still have a significant impact on your daily life or emotional well-being. By consistently downplaying your concerns, you’re teaching yourself that your feelings and experiences don’t matter. It’s important to acknowledge when something is affecting you, regardless of how it might compare to other issues.
20. “I’m just not trying hard enough.”
While self-improvement is positive, this phrase can be a form of self-gaslighting when used to explain away systemic issues or unrealistic expectations. It places all the responsibility on you, ignoring external factors that might be influencing your situation. This can lead to burnout and a cycle of self-blame. It’s important to recognize your efforts and consider all factors contributing to a situation, not just your personal input.
21. “Maybe I deserved it.”
This is a particularly harmful form of self-gaslighting that can keep you in abusive or negative situations. It suggests that mistreatment or negative experiences are justified punishments for your perceived shortcomings. This belief can stem from low self-esteem or past trauma. It’s crucial to remember that you do not deserve mistreatment, regardless of your actions or perceived flaws. Everyone deserves basic respect and kindness.
