If You Want Your Relationship To Last, You Need To Have An Independent Life

If You Want Your Relationship To Last, You Need To Have An Independent Life ©iStock/South_agency

New relationships are super exciting, and for some people they’re so exciting that it’s hard to be apart. But getting into the habit of not taking alone time at any stage in a relationship is usually going to cause serious problem at some point down the road. No matter how much you love him, here’s why it’s so important to spend some time away from him:

  1. To make sure you like the right things about him. Being around someone that you like can feel totally intoxicating to the point that it’s hard to see straight. You need to be able to break that spell long enough to spend some time apart in any new relationship to make sure you aren’t blinded to serious red flags in your new guy.
  2. To increase your productivity. Being totally concentrated on any activity requires getting rid of the daily distractions, and truly paring down can sometimes only be done when you are by yourself. When you’re alone, you give the brain some peace from being “on” which can literally help you reboot even if you didn’t realize that you needed it.
  3. To pay attention to what you want. There will be some decisions that you make as a couple, but it’s also important to make sure that you’re paying attention to what you want as an individual as well. Who you are should never get entirely swallowed up by a guy, and you’re the only one who can make sure that it doesn’t. Sometimes your best interests just come first.
  4. To make better choices. When you aren’t deeply in touch with who you are and what you want, it’s hard to make the best decisions for your life all the time. In the long run, the better you are at making good choices for yourself, the more this will support the health of your relationships with everyone else in your life as well.
  5. It fosters independence. No matter how many supportive people you have in your life, it’s good to know that you can handle whatever comes at you on your own. Knowing that you have everything together will sustain your confidence and self-esteem and seep out into work and play — and it’ll definitely help you ask for what you want in relationships.
  6. To have solo experiences. The fuller your life is when you get into a relationship, the more interesting the relationship is going to be as well. To have stories you need to make some stories right? You learn both by experiencing things for yourself and then again when you discuss those experiences with people who have different perspectives.
  7. So it’s exciting when you see him. Spending too much time with someone can lead to a bit of a burnout, or even just a deflation of that exciting feeling you get when someone is new. However, you can keep some of that feeling alive by just not using it up all at once. Missing someone for a night can make things way hotter the next time you’re together.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com