If You’ve Been “Getting To Know Each Other” For Months, Read This

Getting to know each other is an important step before you DTR. It shows you if you’re a good match and if you’re both on the same page when it comes to relationship goals. However, if it’s been months of getting to know the person and you’re still not exclusively dating, something’s seriously wrong. Here’s why.

  1. You deserve to make it official. Sure, defining the relationship is scary, but it should feel natural after many weeks of getting to know each other. If it still doesn’t, then that says a lot about your so-called relationship.
  2. Even snails don’t move this slowly. You don’t want to rush into anything, sure, but you can go too slowly when getting to know someone that you actually lose momentum. If you’re always hanging out but not dating, you’re not getting to know each other—you’re getting too used to each other. Talk about killing the mood.
  3. You’re feeling a false sense of security. You might think that since the person still wants to spend time with you, it’s a sure sign that you’re headed to a relationship. But surely they would’ve taken that leap before now? Making the relationship official and exclusive is the only real sense of security you should have. Anything less than that isn’t worth your time.
  4. You’re probably their backup. Why would someone keep you around without actually asking you out? It could very well be that you’re their backup for when they don’t have a date on Saturday night. Ugh.
  5. You’re having a virtual relationship. One of the biggest problems with the “getting to know each other” phase is that it usually ends up being filled with loads of texting and not enough real-life experiences. After a while, you’ll see that you’re not really connecting at all.
  6. You’re probably not the only one. Sorry to say, but if you’ve been in this getting to know each other phase for several weeks or longer, you’re probably not the only person they’re seeing. Why wouldn’t they want to make things official with you if you were the only one and they truly liked you as much as they say they do?
  7. They’re not sure about you. If you’re only seeing each other and you’re 100% sure there’s no one else, that’s still not good enough because they’re not keen on taking the leap into a committed relationship. A reason for their hesitation could be that they’re not sure about you. Would you really want to stick around waiting for them to change their mind? Ugh, how degrading. Someone shouldn’t need so much time to make a decision about you—they should see how amazing you are right from the start.
  8. The right person won’t miss a second. Someone who truly values you will want to snap you up right away. They’re not going to want to miss a second that they could have you in their lives as their GF. When you remember that, you see that getting to know someone is cool for a while, but it should either move you forward or let you go so you can find the right person who’s not going to waste your time!
  9. It results in settling. You want the real relationship that’s filled with commitment and progress but you’re accepting crumbs by sticking around. How is that healthy? Someone who keeps you in the “getting to know each other” phase indefinitely is never going to give you the whole loaf otherwise they would’ve already.
  10. It’s supposed to be just a phase. It’s easy to fool yourself into thinking that you’re going to go from “getting to know each other” to “dating each other,” but bear this in mind: getting to know each other is just a phase before you start a real relationship. If it feels like it’s the actual relationship, something’s seriously wrong. You’re in a dating dead-end.
  11. They’re probably not that interested. You want someone who makes their intentions clear, not someone who leaves you hanging for months. A person who’s genuinely interested in you wouldn’t do that. This person’s just going along with how things are because keeping things light and casual suits them for now. How convenient, but don’t expect them to stick around forever.
  12. You’re heading for a crossroads. Even if you don’t do anything, the “getting to know each other” phase will have to come to an end sooner or later. That means you and the person will hit a crossroad where a decision will have to be made. Will you date or go your separate ways? If you’re unsure about their intentions, they’re not moving the relationship forward, and/or you’re frustrated AF, you’re heading for the bitter end. Better cut your losses now! You deserve better.
  13. DTR or GTFO. If you’ve been in the dating doldrums for a while now, you don’t have to surrender to waiting for the person to make their choice. You choose what’s best for you, after all. Perhaps it’s time to initiate defining the relationship. If they aren’t keen and don’t want to move things forward, then you should GTFO. That way, you stop handing over your power once and for all. Damn, it feels good.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.