I’m A 30-Year-Old Virgin — I’m Sick Of Justifying Why I Haven’t Had Sex

Whenever people find out that I’m a 30 year old virgin, they’re shocked. I always get asked the same questions: How is that possible? Don’t you want to know what it feels like? What’s wrong with you? I totally get that you don’t meet a 30 year old who’s never had sex every day, but I’m also getting a bit sick of having to justify my life to everyone else.

  1. What business is it of anyone else’s? If you really think about it, how crazy is it that people literally think they have any right to comment on my sex life (or lack thereof)? Me being a 30 year old virgin is all about me. It literally doesn’t affect anyone else (except maybe my future partners), and yet so many people seem to have opinions on them. It’s mind-blowing to me.
  2. Sex isn’t the be-all, end-all in life. I’m not saying sex isn’t wonderful and an important part of romantic relationships, but I am saying that no one is going to die without sex. It’s not enough to sustain a relationship on its own, and it actually causes a lot more problems than it should. I’ve lived an incredible life and will continue to moving forward. Being a 30 year old virgin hasn’t kept me from achieving the things I want to, traveling the world, making friends, and being happy.
  3. It’s not like I haven’t had relationships. Another question I often get is whether I’ve ever dated anyone and how we even had a relationship since I wasn’t having sex. Yes, I have dated men before and have even been in relationships. However, I’m not someone who feels comfortable sleeping with someone on the first or even the third date. The timing never felt right and the guys I’ve dated never stuck around long enough to get to that stage. Ultimately, I always felt like I’d made the right decision when these guys inevitably cheated, let me down, or just disappeared.
  4. No, I’m not holding out for religious purposes. Many people assume that the only explanation for being a 30 year old virgin is that I’m a fundamentalist Christian who doesn’t believe in having sex before marriage. I can assure you that’s not the case at all. I don’t even believe in God, let alone believe God has a rule about when I should sleep with someone.
  5. Yes, I’ve had an orgasm. You don’t need to have sex with someone else to have an orgasm. In fact, despite being a virgin, I’m pretty sure I’ve had way more orgasms than all of my friends who’ve been having sex since they were teenagers. I can promise you that despite the fact that I’m a 30 year old virgin, I’ve experienced a whole load of sexual pleasure.
  6. No, I don’t feel “left out” or “left behind.” A lot of people assume that because pretty much every other 30 year old on the planet has been having sex for more than a decade and I’m still a virgin, I must feel like I’m missing out on something and feeling left behind, but that’s just not the case. As I said, I’ve already had such a full, happy life, so it’s hard to feel like anything is missing.
  7. Yes, I’ll probably have sex someday. I don’t plan on dying a virgin (though I wouldn’t be devastated if I did, to be fair). I do actually think I’ll end up having sex one day. It might be next month, next year, or even in 10 years. I’m really not in any hurry, to be honest, and feel like it will happen when it’s meant to happen. I’m really not stressing about it.
  8. No, I don’t want to just “get it over with.” I could go out and find someone to hook up with tonight if I wanted to just “get it over with,” but a) I’m really not that bothered about sex and b) it would be a totally underwhelming experience. When I do have sex with someone, I want it to mean something. I’m not expecting fireworks and for it to be life-changing, but I do want to have an emotional connection with the other person. In the meantime, I’m happy being a 30 year old virgin.


Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill