I don’t know about you, but after thoroughly analyzing my checklist of fantasy traits I’d hoped to eventually find in my ideal guy, I came to the conclusion that if I want them so much, I should cultivate them in myself. No more waiting around for a perfect partner. Instead, I’m going to strive to be my own object of affection.
I’m becoming my wishlist. Yes, someday I’d like to find a guy who’s smart, funny, caring, and honest, but until then, I’m working on being those things myself. All of the admirable traits I’ve wished for in my future husband aren’t something I have to sit around waiting for. I’m bringing these qualities into my life now so not only will I be able to reciprocate these qualities in future relationships, I’ll benefit by practicing them instead of searching for them externally.
I don’t need an ego boost. While I’ve always enjoyed the rush of confidence that comes from having a hot guy on my arm, I’m done hanging my self-esteem on someone else. That’s not to say I’m against dating attractive guys (never) but I don’t need the validation of a good-looking husband to endorse my own appearance. And if the next guy I fall for doesn’t have chiseled abs and rugged good looks, that’ll be okay too.
I take care of my business. I watched my mother and so many other women of her generation rely on their husbands for guidance and often permission when faced with a decision. While I’m all for teamwork in a relationship, I’m perfectly capable of handling my business without any input or advice from a man simply for gender’s sake.
I take care of myself. Of course it would be nice to have a man that runs me a bath after a long day or makes me beautiful dinners or rubs my feet, but I don’t need a husband to encourage me to pamper myself. Instead, I cherish my well-being in the same way I imagine he would: with love and attention to my stress levels and personal needs.
I’m every bit as successful as the husband I imagined. I used to work low-paying jobs and hope that I’d eventually marry a guy with a decent income—or at least that our incomes combined would feel like success. It wasn’t until I decided to be every bit as successful as my hypothetical husband that I took charge of my own career path and gained financial independence.
I stand up for myself. Damsels are outdated and not having a big, strong man to protect and defend me means that I have to speak up for myself. It was a tough lesson since I’ve never been assertive but I learned about myself in the process: that it’s best to say something immediately instead of letting things fester, even if I do have to keep my temper in check.
I’ve embraced my weaknesses. In previous relationships, I’ve been lucky to have partners who brought something to the relationship that I lacked. There was the adventurous guy who dragged me away from my computer on a regular basis and the outgoing guy who could make friends with anyone. It was because of these relationships that I was able to identify my weaknesses and intentionally bring them out in myself.
I’m my own handyman. Just call me Miss Fix-it. Not only do I own a big ass toolbox, a cordless drill, and a circular saw, but I also know how to use them. I’ve knocked down walls, installed hardwood flooring, and refinished furniture. Of course, not every single lady needs to be handy with a hammer but if you own a home, it eventually comes with the territory. And maybe it’s because I’m stubborn but I couldn’t tell you the last time I had to knock on a neighbor’s door because I couldn’t open a jar.
I even bought the pickup truck. I used to fantasize about snuggling up to my hypothetical hubby on the bench seat of a pickup (you know, the country girl’s dream) or at least I did until I realized there was no reason I couldn’t be the one in the driver’s seat. I like to think of it as a metaphor for my life.
It’ll make me a better girlfriend eventually. And maybe someday I’ll find another guy whose yin balances my yang, but I won’t use him as a supplement for anything I lack in myself. While I don’t plan to marry, I know that being a supportive husband to myself will make me a more complete individual and eventually, a better partner.
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