I’m Beginning To Believe I’m In The Wrong City To Find The Man I Want

I’ve changed a lot over the last 11 years while living in Los Angeles. Of course I have—11 years is a long time! Now that I’ve grown and figured out who I really am as a woman, I’m not so sure I can even date here anymore.

  1. There are actually too many options. Yes, that’s a thing. Humans actually don’t deal well with too many options—we can’t decide on anything because it’s so much to process. I’m realizing that I might be better off finding a guy in a smaller city where more people are into the same stuff as me.
  2. Everyone is very focused on their own goals. I get it because I’m in the same boat. We Millennials have a lot to figure out when it comes to our careers, especially those of us who are creatives. Most of these people moved to LA to get into entertainment and it takes a lot of time and energy to become even somewhat successful. Who has time for relationships when they’re busy trying to get famous?
  3. Guys here are all too poor to date. That’s not entirely true, but honestly, most of the guys here who have cash are obnoxious, entitled trust-fund babies. It’s either nice guys who can’t afford to even go to a dive bar once a week or douchey jerks who think that you owe them something because they bought you dinner. I want a sweet, normal guy with a moderate income, please.
  4. Their schedules are all over the place. So’s mine, which makes it doubly hard to find time to date. Even if we can figure out how to coordinate something, it’s not sustainable long-term. It takes too much time and energy so it’d have to be really special for me to make it work.
  5. Everyone is too spread out. I love that there are so many unique neighborhoods in Los Angeles, but at the same time, the traffic and sprawl make dating difficult. I won’t even try to date someone outside a 6-mile radius. If you don’t live here, that sounds crazy but if you do, you totally understand. I need somewhere smaller with better public transportation.
  6. I don’t meet anyone organically. It’s difficult to meet guys here. We’re all in our cars all the time. There aren’t a lot of areas that are walking-friendly, and I don’t really drink or go out anymore. I’d like to meet men with similar interests but I have a hard time finding them. Again, there’s just too much city!
  7. The online dating scene is horrific. It’s like I said before—too many options and people all live too far apart. I set my radius small when I’m on the apps but the truth is, most guys who share my interests don’t live in my area. The problem? I can’t afford to move to their areas! I might just have to move somewhere else altogether.
  8. I’m not into material things and a lot of people here are. Somehow it seems to be a problem for some guys that I’m not superficial and don’t care about their cool cars, fancy dinners, or nights at the club. I actually hate all that stuff, so I should move somewhere where people care about nature and human connection and getting outside …
  9. There are too many people and there’s too much traffic. It makes me grouchy, and how can I meet a good man when I’m in a bad mood? I try to keep my time in traffic to a minimum, but it’s tough. I need something simpler, happier and less stressful so that I’m in the right state of mind for dating.
  10. I yearn for nature and a partner in adventure. Yes, there is actually a lot of nature surrounding the city. The problem is that you have to drive a long distance—again, in traffic—to access most of it. The other problem is that there are generally way too many other people around. I want to be out in the back country, just me and an amazing man.
  11. There’s no community here. There are little pockets where I think people connect a bit more but definitely not in my area. There are too many people and everyone has too much going on. Now that I’m older, I think I’d appreciate more of a neighborhood community connection—and I think it would help me meet a good guy.
  12. People aren’t very friendly. Everyone exists in their own little bubble here. Sometimes when I say hi on the street, strangers look at me like I have three heads. Not everyone is like that, but most people don’t go out of their way to engage in random connection and conversation. This makes it hard to meet anyone, especially guys.
  13. There’s no emphasis on grounded priorities here. I’m not talking old-fashioned or conservative priorities. I just want to find someone who isn’t on his phone every two minutes and checking for the next piece of ass while we’re on a date. It’s depressing. Men here care about status and money and things—or, on the other hand, chasing some unattainable dream that will always take priority over me. No thanks.
  14. Men here treat women like we’re disposable. As with anything, there are exceptions to the rule, but I’m getting older and the good men are getting scooped up fast. A lot of the guys who are left over here are still single because they want to be. They want a good time and they want to keep their options open. It’s not my jam.
  15. No one here wants to commit. I get it—why commit if you don’t want to start a family? I’m the weirdo who wants a monogamous relationship but not kids. I’m aware that I’ll have a more difficult time finding that no matter where I live. Still, I’d like to go out with someone who treats me as more than the girl he’s hanging out with for the time being.
  16. I’m easily bored and these guys are basic AF. It’s true. I’m looking for something very specific. I don’t want men who want to drink beer and watch sports, hang out at pool parties with DJs, or lie around smoking weed and playing video games. I want men who want to travel, adventure, be outside and do all the things—and I’m not finding them. I need to go live in an outdoor-focused town.
  17. Finding a quality compatible guy is like searching for a unicorn. I legitimately think I might be better off in a smaller pool with more like-minded people. I’m not “hot” enough for Los Angeles anyway, even though I’m fit and attractive. There are just too many guys here and there are definitely way too many that aren’t what I want. I gotta go find my mountain man.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit. She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and The Indie Chicks.