I feel like I put up with a lot of extra crap in dating because I’m bisexual. Straight guys fetishize me and ask for threesomes and even those in the LGBTQ community often forget the “B” part of the acronym. Pretty much everyone I’ve dated has had an issue with my sexuality—some were offended, others were fascinated, and a lot of them question my loyalty. WTF?
They think I’m hiding behind the label. I’ve been told many times by the women I date that I’m simply confused. Many times, they’ve tried to drag me out of the closet and own up to being a lesbian. I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual, but for some reason many within the LGBTQ community think it’s a coverup and that you can’t possibly be attracted to both genders. It’s really frustrating.
If I’m dating a guy, that apparently means I’m straight. People can’t comprehend the fact I go both ways. When I happen to be dating a guy, everyone thinks I’m either straight or back in the closet. At the moment, I do have a boyfriend, which leads to people asking me if I’m “back on the hetero train.” I was never straight to begin with, so there’s no train for me to be back on.
Bisexuality is only experimentation to some people. When I started dating girls, I honestly thought I might have been a lesbian too. However, I soon realized that I’m still definitely attracted to men. Still, once you’re seen holding hands, kissing, and posting cutesy pictures on social media with another girl, people start to label you. They called me brave for finally coming out and being my true authentic self. Explaining I also like men is like setting off a bomb which leads to people accusing me of being a “fake lesbian” who’s just experimenting for thrills.
I’ve been accused of being unfaithful more times than I can count. I’ve never cheated on anyone but that hasn’t stopped people from accusing me of it. Sometimes the people I date insinuate that I’m a cheater just because I talk to another man or woman. Being bisexual doesn’t mean I’m attracted to every single person I see! For some reason, the fact that I’m attracted to both genders means that I must want to jump everyone’s bones regardless of the fact that I’m in a relationship—and that human attraction just doesn’t work like that.
A lot of my exes call me a liar when I end up with someone of a different gender than them after we break up. I don’t know why this happens but it always does without fail. Straight men I date accuse me of using them and toying with their feelings when I really wanted to be with a woman all along. The lesbians I’m with often accuse me of the same thing when they see me dating a man later. They disregard our entire relationship, certain that it was built on a giant lie, and it’s really hurtful and frustrating.
They ask me who’s better in bed. When the person I’m dating finds out I’ve been with the same or opposite sex, they want to compare bedroom notes. It’s a little weird when they ask me if being with a girl is better than being with a man and vice versa. They ask this as if I keep score for every person I’ve been with. Gender doesn’t define who is better in bed or not.
They want to know if I like men or women more. This is almost the same as asking who’s better in bed, but this question feels like they’re trying to see if I’m more gay or straight when I’m not either. Sure, some bisexuals lean more towards one gender, but it doesn’t erase the fact they still like both. Once people ask this question, they sometimes follow it up with a comment about what my sexuality should be. For instance, if I leaned more towards men, they’d ask why I don’t just go straight. WTF?
People call me out for wanting attention. A lot of people believe women who identify as bi only do so for attention, particularly a man’s attention. This completely erases the validity of my sexuality and makes me feel like crap. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t claim the label if I’m trying to jump on the LGBTQ bandwagon just to seem cool/trendy, which is ridiculous and totally disrespectful.
They seem to think I’m down for a threesome or had one already. Not everyone is open to having a threesome, bisexual or otherwise. I’m definitely not, but that hasn’t stopped people from asking me on dates whether I’d be open to one. Nothing like being fetishized to really turn me off.
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