I’m A Bitch Because You Made Me That Way

I’m not the same innocent, naive woman I used to be, especially when it comes to love. I’ve been through too much heartbreak and too many messed up relationships and as a result, I’ve become more guarded and I definitely take less crap than I used to. But before you have the nerve call me a “bitch” for being upfront about what I expect from you, consider this:

  1. If you expected a doormat, that was your mistake. If you thought you’d be able to take advantage of me, you couldn’t have been more wrong. I refuse to accept poor treatment from anyone, especially not the guy I’m dating – no one should. If you’d rather make me out to be the bad guy than own up to your own wrongdoings, it’s never going to work.
  2. I have standards and I’m not afraid to stick to them. I don’t bow down to anyone, and I definitely won’t bend my standards to accommodate you or anyone else who doesn’t respect and value me. It would be stupid to screw myself over like that. If you don’t like my standards, you don’t have to stay. I certainly won’t be sticking around for very long for someone who isn’t up to par with what I want.
  3. If you screw up this time, I won’t give you a second chance. You only get one ticket to date me, and it can’t be claimed for a relationship at another time. You have to use it or lose it, buster. If you go AWOL then try to come back into my life, you’re not going to get the sweet, fun girl I was when we first met. Instead, you’re going to get the nasty side of me. You deserve it, too, because it’s an insult for you to try to come back after benching or ghosting me.
  4. You can’t blame me for being a bit jaded. I’ve been through a lot of crappy relationships, so I have less time for guys who treat me badly. I’ve learned my lessons, and I’m not keen on repeating my mistakes, so consider yourself warned. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for the guy I’m seeing to treat me with love and consideration.
  5. I dish out what I get served. I treat people the way they treat me. If you’re acting arrogant or only care about yourself and your problems, I’m not going to smile, nod, and hope you like me. If you treat me well, you’ll get the same in return. It’s up to you which version of me you’ll get.
  6. I’m honest. Deal with it. I’m not the type of person to BS men. If something you’ve done rubs me the wrong way, I like to believe that you’re mature enough to deal with it. Don’t act like a wounded little boy because I’m speaking my mind. I’d want you to tell me if I’d hurt or upset you in any way, so it goes both ways.
  7. I’m not a people-pleaser anymore and won’t be one again. I used to be the type of woman who would bend over backward to please a guy. But then I realized that yoga was never really my thing. Don’t expect me to be a people-pleaser just because you have charm and good looks; I can smell someone who takes advantage of women from a mile away.
  8. You triggered pain from my past. When I lose my crap, it’s because I’ve had enough of dealing with other people’s nonsense for so long – and not just from you. If you hurt me, you’re reminding me of all the other jerks who did me wrong, which just adds fuel to the fire. Try to see things from my perspective and understand why I’m hurt instead of immediately labeling me.
  9. You shouldn’t mistake my strength for bitchiness. I’m actually not a bitch; I simply have the strength to walk away the minute something you do seriously upsets or hurts me in an irreparable way. You might think that means I’m a bad person, but it’s just that I don’t want to waste my time. I’m self-preserving. Men do it all the time, and no one’s picking on them about it.
  10. If you think I’m a bitch, I’m not the one with issues. If you have to call me a bitch because you’re losing an argument and don’t know what to say, you’re the one with the insecurities, and you’re clearly trying to shift them onto me. If you’re calling me a bitch because I’m asserting myself, maybe you just have an issue with confidence.
  11. I hold back because you have to earn my time. If you meet me and think I’m cold, it’s actually that I’m shy AF. But I’ve learned there’s a big perk to being this way – if a guy resorts to calling me bitchy because I’m not falling all over him the second he comes over to chat to me, then I’ve successfully weeded out a jerk that I wouldn’t have wanted to get to know anyway.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.