We spend so much time caring about other people, but how much time do we actually spend caring about ourselves? I just recently really began exploring who I am and learning about what I need — it’s a lifelong commitment that I know I’ll never neglect again. Here’s why I’m too busy falling in love with myself to be with a guy right now:
It’s a full-time relationship. Most people don’t spend a lot of time getting to know themselves because it takes just that: a lot of time. It can be a real pain in the ass, to be honest. It’s uncomfortable and scary and reveals issues I’d rather not face. It takes commitment, devotion and understanding — basically everything I would give to my partner in a romantic relationship. Because of this intensity, I don’t have any room for a guy in my life.
Dating other people takes a lot of effort. I love my life. I’m stupidly happy. I’m so busy and focused and driven to succeed, change and grow. Why complicate a good thing by bringing another potentially messy relationship into the mix? I have my friends, my family, my job, my passions, my hobbies and my adventures. When I date a guy, I take on a whole other set of emotions and problems that aren’t mine. I have to compromise and adapt and consider and worry. I simply don’t have the energy.
I find more fulfillment in falling in love with me. Self-love is what I’ve been seeking from all my romantic relationships anyway. I’ve spent my life desperately trying to fill holes in my heart with other people when I’ve actually needed to fill them with myself. I’m never satisfied with love and dating because no one can give me what I’m seeking. Only I can give that to myself, so I’ve finally made the commitment to do so. I know that if and only if I figure out how to truly love myself will I then be ready to have a healthy partnership. I suspect that I may realize along the way that I don’t even need one, as long as I have that love for myself.
I’m learning that I don’t need another person to complete me. This is one of the single most empowering discoveries in life. It sounds so simple and obvious, but I’ll bet you that most people you know are still seeking others to complete them. They have to find meaning in someone else, be that a family member, a friend or a lover. I’ve always looked to others to dictate who I am and what I should become. I’ve been lost when it came down to just me because I didn’t trust my innate sense of self. Now I’m learning to do so, and it’s the most refreshing experience I could possibly have.
There are endlessly fascinating layers of myself to uncover. Delving into one’s own psyche is unsettling at times. It’s strange, confusing and enlightening. I’ve had entire days where I went through the motions in total discomfort with what was unfolding inside me. It’s not a bad thing by any means, but it’s definitely weird. I’ve had so many realizations about myself that seemed obvious once I reached them, but that took me years to understand. I know that this will be a lifelong process.
A stable relationship with my true self is of the utmost importance to me. There’s no such thing as a healthy relationship with someone else if I don’t have one with myself. I get that now, so I’m determined not to dally with romance and flirtations. Yeah, I’ll date, but it’s simply not a priority to me. I won’t let random guys come between me and myself. I won’t change the way I behave to conform to a guy’s expectations anymore — there’s no future in that. If I can’t be myself with a partner, I can’t be with that person at all. I have to uncover who I truly am in order to find the person I can truly be myself with — there’s the catch.
I refuse to let a bad relationship derail all the work I’ve done. I won’t backslide into my old habits with guys, but I know how easy it would be to do so. I’m determined to become strong and stable in myself before I even consider giving my heart as a gift again. I know now how precious that gift is, and that I need someone who considers it as important and valuable as I do. I know now that I can build the power to walk away from something that isn’t serving me instead of getting impossibly entangled in it. I’m fully focused on loving myself as much as possible so that I recognize it when another person loves me in the same way.
My friends, family and alone time all come before any guy. I have a ton going on in my life. I struggle to make time for anyone, let alone someone I barely even know. The people who have continually loved and supported me will always come first. Time spent with myself growing and learning will always come first. After I eke out a little space for all that, there’s simply nothing left for a guy. I won’t compromise my standards and I won’t abandon those who’ve stood by me through thick and thin.
I’m exploring and doing everything I’ve always wanted, which takes up all my time and energy. I finally stopped waiting around for someone who would accompany me in everything I wanted to do. I started traveling. I began taking classes and dabbling in new hobbies. I’m saying “yes” to my life with glee and joyful abandon. It’s serving me exceptionally well so far, so I’ll continue doing so. If that partner in crime comes along, great, but I’m not wasting any more years sulking over my romantic misfortunes. I’m grabbing life by the balls, y’all. Adventuring and learning and studying and playing and creating takes up a lot of time! I’m dreadfully happy and so busy that I don’t even notice the lack of romantic love in my life. I’m full to the brim with self-love and love for the world around me.
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