I’m A Chill AF Girlfriend, But That Doesn’t Mean I’m A Pushover

I’m A Chill AF Girlfriend, But That Doesn’t Mean I’m A Pushover ©iStock/BraunS

Being a mellow, chill AF girlfriend might make people assume I’m a doormat waiting to be walked over, but this is certainly not the case. I’m laid-back, but that doesn’t mean I’ll put up with a guy’s BS.

  1. I just have a high drama threshold. I’m not big on making scenes in public, flying off the handle at the slightest stress or picking fights. It takes a lot for me to lose my mind but that doesn’t mean I won’t deal with stuff — I just do it with a clear head. It also doesn’t mean I won’t confront a guy about something that’s pissed me off. It just takes a lot for me to get pissed off.
  2. I give… but I’m also not afraid to take. So I’ll be cool with going along to a heavy metal concert or trying my hand at golf, and the guy will probably think, “OMG, she’s so chill. This is fantastic!” That doesn’t mean I won’t be expecting him to watch a girly rom-com or buy me flowers sometime in the future. Laid-back women still like being romanced, you know. It’s about compromise.
  3. Guys shouldn’t underestimate me. I might come across as carefree, but that doesn’t mean I’m not serious about stuff. If a boyfriend betrays me then I won’t stick around. Hell no. Being mellow is not synonymous with settling for crap. I have my dealbreakers in place, I just don’t feel the need to shout them out at the top of my voice.
  4. I’m done with being stereotyped as the “nice girl.” Okay, I admit I am nice. I avoid confrontation as much as possible and don’t stress people out with unnecessary drama. But why does nice have to be seen as weak? They’re not the same thing! Some of the strongest people I know are nice and they don’t get walked over by anyone. People won’t last long in my life if they think that I’ll be easily controlled or manipulated. I just know how and when to pick my battles.
  5. I won’t be taken advantage of. Some guys might assume they can push the boundaries a little and get away with it. For instance, they might think that if I’m so cool with them texting their ex, I’ll be cool with them hanging out with her. Um, no. Just because my boundaries might be set a little further back than others, it doesn’t mean they can step over them so easily or push them to hell. They really ought to tread carefully.
  6. I won’t be silenced. Since I’m quite chilled about stuff, from where to go to dinner to what club looks cool to check out, people might think I’ll just go along with what others want all time. Maybe I will — I like trying new things and sometimes it’s just easier to go with the flow — but being easygoing is a choice. It’s not a default setting that means I don’t have opinions that matter. It would also be cool to get asked if I’d like to go back to that dodgy restaurant again before a guy goes ahead and makes reservations. One day I might not be cool with something, and will the guy be cool with that? If he isn’t, that’s really his problem.
  7. I’m actually not a people pleaser. In a relationship, I’m not bossy or trying to control the guy. He wants to grow a beard? It might make him look weird, but hey, it’s his face. He wants a guys’ night out? Sure thing. I’ve had friends think this makes me a people pleaser who’s desperate to hold onto the guy, but it’s actually not that at all. It’s that I’m chilled about what they do and respect boundaries. I’m not their mother or boss who’s trying to keep them on a short leash, I’m their GF. If they want to do something with their bodies or weekends, they can go ahead. I expect the same in return, though. That’s the disclaimer that can’t be ignored.
  8. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. Just ’cause I’m chill doesn’t mean I won’t fight for things that are important to me. Sometimes being super mellow can cause people to think that I’m indifferent, going “meh” all the time. But I feel strongly about things and will stand up for what I think and want when the time calls for it. So, although I won’t pick fights about every little thing, I will fight for my relationship and my rights; for my beliefs and values. Guys might assume I don’t care, which has made jerks in the past think they can treat me however they want, but I can go from easygoing to explosive in 1.5 seconds.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.