This Is Why I’m Considering Entering A Marriage Pact

Admittedly, the dating scene chewed me up and spit me out and I got sick of it. That’s why I’ve decided to make a marriage pact with a longtime friend who’s had similar experiences (and disappointments) in love and relationships. I’m pretty sure it’ll probably be the best decision we’ll make.

  1. We treat each other very well. I make him dinner, mix him cocktails, and take him to the gym. He’s started to give me romantic things, lends an ear when I rant, and also gives me backrubs. We treat each other well, often to the point that others get jealous. The truth is that it comes natural to both of us. This will be the lifestyle we’ll get to enjoy together when we make it official.
  2. We started off friends. We’ve been friends for over 10 years and we’ve been hanging out every other day for almost a year since we started talking about our marriage pact. There’s history there and frankly, he’s an amazing friend. He’s seen me as a size 00 and a size 20 and always treated me the same. I know this isn’t a front for getting laid and that he thinks I’m awesome regardless of what weight I’m at.
  3. We both understand that love is something you can cultivate rather than just find. The thing about love that most people don’t seem to get is that it can be cultivated—as long as BOTH partners are willing and putting in the effort. In our time on the dating scene, we both tried to cultivate love with others only to have the other person be unappreciative, decide they “could do better,” or otherwise just throw our efforts back into our faces. We’re both willing and actively working on making love happen—and it’s working pretty well.
  4. We’re tired of putting ourselves out there. Both of us have been rejected over the size of our waistlines, our pasts, and even our races. Frankly, having had that happen has made both of us want to stick it to everyone with a relationship others could envy. I’d be lying if I didn’t say the idea of being a “smug married” doesn’t make me smile.
  5. We’re also both fed up with the dating scene. Both he and I have been abused by partners. We’ve had people treat us like dirt for the stupidest, most shallow reasons imaginable. We’ve both come to the conclusion that we don’t want to continue dating or trying to find “The One” because our dating pool is more like a septic tank than anything else.
  6. We’re also pretty fed up with our exes trying to reach out to us. He has exes who want him to be their “side dish” after they cheated on him. I have exes who want back in when it’s convenient for them. Being able to sneer at them and say we’re married will probably feel good.
  7. Unlike those we dated, we also have similar lifestyle goals. I want to be a housewife who works from home. He wants to be able to come home to a hot meal and sex. We both don’t want kids but we do want cats. We both want to live in the same kind of areas. A marriage pact would allow us to reach those goals way better than being single, and also would probably make it way easier to enjoy a higher quality of life.
  8. We’ve acknowledged that this is the easiest way to make sure that all our needs get met. Humans need love, affection, acceptance, and financial stability in order to be happy. We can provide that for one another. Besides, why should we bother with dating prior to marriage? Because it’s ‘supposed to be that way?’ Frankly, a lot of things that are “supposed to” happen don’t, and we’re happy doing things in a way that actually gets done rather than waiting for a socially acceptable version to decide we’re worthy.
  9. Whoever could’ve been “The One” probably isn’t if it’s not the right time anymore. I’m done waiting. I’ve been done waiting for years. I’m fed up with this whole idea that some guy will date me, sweep me off my feet, and actually see my value. If such a person were to come into my life, I’d no longer want him because it’s a personal issue of too little, too late. My fiance has said similar things about his situation. As far as we’re concerned, we are each other’s “One.”
  10. We don’t really care about the way we decided on this; romance can be built over time. I’m so done having to explain to people why we don’t care about the fact that we’re beginning a relationship via a marriage pact. No, it’s not the story of the high school football player and the cheerleader, but the fact is that the way we met doesn’t mean that we’re not romantic. It means that we’ll have to cultivate that side later, and that’s honestly fine for us.
  11. For us, this marriage pact is the best way to leave the dating scene and have a companion with us for life. We’re both raising the middle finger to traditional dating because frankly, it’s been nothing but cruel to us. While this may be a more mechanical, less romantic way to do things, it works for us and has turned into something pretty damned amazing.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.