If I’m His Crazy Ex, It’s Only Because He Made Me That Way

“My ex? Yeah, she’s crazy”. I’ve heard it many times before, from guys I was causally dating or my guy friends. It’s a pretty common word for guys to throw this term around when women stand up for ourselves and don’t put up with their crap. I’m sure my ex probably says that I’m crazy now too, but conveniently forgets to mention that he’s the reason I’ve done “crazy” things to him.

  1. Being lied to or manipulated by someone can start to drive you crazy. When you’re constantly asking yourself whether what he’s saying is true, it makes you start worrying about everything. Also, my ex could have been a professional manipulator, and some of the ways he tried to play mind games with me really made me feel insane (and that was his goal, TBH).
  2. His crazy behaviors brought out the crazy in me. He was constantly looking through my phone, accusing me of cheating or lying (and other things), and demanding to know where I was. Although I’d never acted this way in a relationship before, him treating me this way made me start to wonder if he was the one lying or cheating. Also, his crazy reactions (like bar fights with a guy who looked at me the wrong way or screaming at me in front of a group of our friends) made my reactions start to become crazy too.
  3. He’ll call me crazy but forget to mention what he did that made me act crazy. Sure, out of context, some of my actions or my words may sound crazy. When you only hear his version of a story, I get why I sound like a crazy person. Anytime I acted “crazy” towards him, it was because he pushed me to do so. My craziness was a direct result of his constant accusations, control, and unpredictability
  4. He tried to make me feel like I was becoming crazy. Eventually, I started questioning my own sanity because he constantly did. He wanted me to feel crazy because then it would be easier for him to be more controlling or justify his hurtful actions. That’s called gaslighting and it’s total BS.
  5. He constantly treated me like I was doing something wrong, which started to make me feel like I was. He always thought that I was lying to him about something, cheating on him, being sneaky, or doing something wrong, which I wasn’t. Being constantly treated this way makes you wonder if maybe you are doing something wrong, or maybe he’s the one who is.
  6. He was inconsistent and unreliable. I never knew if he was going to follow through with what he said he was or what his reaction to something would be. He would constantly exaggerate things and it started to make me question everything, including things outside of our relationship. Being unable to count on my boyfriend started making me crazy and obsessive, two things I never thought of myself as before our relationship.
  7. I always expected the worst from him before it happened. He was constantly letting me down, and I began to expect that the worst was always going to be the outcome. It’s not fair to constantly question someone’s every word or action, which I began to because every time I had previously believed him, he gave me reasons not to. Feeling like I constantly had to have my guard up and couldn’t trust him made me act crazy.
  8. He made me believe that crazy and chaotic were signs of love and passion. Whenever he acted crazy towards me or made our relationship a hurricane of chaos, he would justify it by saying that this was real love, and this was just a part of passion. I started to believe this and began acting crazy too, thinking I was just being passionate. I know now that in future relationships, being comfortable is a good thing. I still want passion, but without the chaos, and that’s possible with the right person.
  9. Crazy became the norm in our relationship. We both started acting insane, and our craziness fed off of each other’s. It was almost a game to see who could out-crazy the other, and it was super unhealthy. Our relationship became a hurricane of crazy chaos. I can admit that I had a part in creating that storm, but he pushed me to become that way.
  10. His definition of “crazy” is not always actually crazy, just human. When I needed space from him because he was being abusive or drove away from him because he was screaming me in the middle of a busy street, then was the crazy one. He would say that I was acting crazy when my reactions were just normal based on what he did to warrant them.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on www.followmetogetlost.wordpress.com). She has an Etsy shop with cute items: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FollowMeToGetLostWhen she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.