I’m Depressed & My Boyfriend Is Living His Best Life—Ugh

Trying to understand things from your partner’s perspective is so important, but what if you come from two totally different worlds? My boyfriend and I haven’t shared the same life experiences and we’re polar opposites in many ways because of it. It seriously bums me out sometimes.

1. He has a dope support system. The only time my boyfriend left the city we live in now was for college. He still has all the friends he had growing up and his parents live about 15 minutes away. It’s completely ideal and not at all his fault but it’s hard because I had the polar opposite experience. I haven’t lived near my family since I was in high school and I moved around a lot after college, making it nearly impossible to stay close with friends. The older I get, the harder it is to make new grown-up friends. I know it’s my own insecurity but I feel like he thinks it’s weird that I’m not swimming in cool adult friendships like he is.
2. He makes way more money than me. I know you can’t buy happiness, but damn, if there’s anyone that makes it look like you can, it’s my boyfriend. He’s had exactly one job since college, which is virtually unheard of. Because of this, he’s been able to work his way up and become pretty successful at an alarmingly young age. I’m extremely proud of him and his accomplishments but I’m also a poor, struggling writer who can’t help but feel like our contrast in financial security takes a toll on our relationship. Cool shows? Vacations? Fancy dinners? Yes, please, do you take IOUs?
3. His job security is off the chain. Having been at a company for 14 years while in your thirties is a feat in itself. Being able to plan ahead and know that all bills will be paid, health insurance is a lock, and there will be plenty left over is basically the millennial’s American dream. Being a freelancer myself, I’ve never had the luxury of planning ahead or knowing how much money I’ll have at any certain point in time. I’ve never really had any kind of job security and knowing what it looks like makes me feel like I made a huge mistake choosing my career.
4. He has me, and I’m awesome. While I do pride myself on being a good girlfriend, sometimes I feel like I overcompensate for what I feel like are my shortcomings in our relationship. I want to feel like we’re both contributing 50/50 so I try to contribute in other ways like random household chores so I don’t feel like a total slacker.
5. His social life is ridic. My boyfriend’s social circle runs, like, 30 people deep. To me, that’s insane, especially at our age. When we first started dating, it seemed like there was a birthday or a shower or a party that was happening every weekend. It was like living in an episode of Gossip Girl. It was fun at first and it helps that his friends are all very cool, but I feel like we’re always doing stuff with his friends while I see my one to two girlfriends once a month for happy hour.
6. He has no obligations. We have no kids, no pets, basically no real responsibilities. If we want to up and leave for an impromptu trip to Montreal, there are literally no accommodations that need to be made beforehand. My boyfriend loves to take advantage of this situation—did I mention that he has like 300 hours of paid vacation? While this freedom does have its perks, I feel like I’m always the one who has to put the kibosh on these little excursions. I can’t afford to go out of town every other weekend, not just financially but career-wise. I could be missing out on potential jobs and opportunities.
7. His stress levels are non-existent. I have legit never seen someone fall asleep so quickly. While I’m waking up in cold sweats wondering just where it all went wrong and how I’m going to fix it, he’s in the sleepiest baby slumber without a care in the world. I’m not even mad, just impressed.
8. I constantly feel like I owe him because I do. The lifestyle we live is not cheap and we’re both very aware of that. My boyfriend is a generous guy and knows the reality of my situation but I always keep a running tab in my head and I am determined to pay him back eventually.
9. He’s totally supportive. I pretty much lucked out in the relationship department. My boyfriend is crazy supportive of my hectic, sporadic professional life. He wants me to succeed so badly and that’s something I’ve never experienced in a relationship before. It really helps to have another person in your corner rooting for you. He’ll even try to come up with story ideas or new opportunities he comes across, which is pretty effing adorable.
10. The contrast in our lifestyles makes mine look and feel even worse. The fact that I’ve had to work so hard for everything I’ve gotten and his life has been a bit more… enchanted is very apparent to me. He doesn’t know what it’s like to struggle or be alone or have no resources and that’s not his fault—we’re all dealt different hands. I’m proud of my accomplishments and know that I’m a better person because of my experiences. I’ve learned a lot about life and myself along the way and that’s made me a stronger person. Logically, I know it’s not cool to compare our experiences because nothing healthy will come of that, but let’s be real—sometimes I do.