I’m Done Dating Boys — I Need A Real Man

Once you’re out of high school and college, the idea of a mature adult relationship sounds more appealing than ever. You’re through with players and on the lookout for a dude who has his act together and wants to build something real for the future. That’s where I’m at right now — I’m over dating boys who don’t know what they want or how to go out there and get it. I want a real man and I won’t settle for less.

  1. It’s time for me to date a grown up. That sounds lame, doesn’t it? It should be obvious, but it’s really not. At this point in my life, I need maturity. I’m so tired of players, manipulators, liars, and cheaters who don’t play fair in love. I need a grown man who not only knows better than to pull that BS but who has no interest in doing so because he knows that playing games is kid stuff.
  2. I can’t depend on boys. Real men are the dependable partners out there, not these immature playboys posing as men. You can’t count on a boy, but a man will always be there when he says he will and when you need him to be. I’m an independent woman and I can look after myself, but sometimes when life gets hard, it’s comforting to know there’s someone on your side who’s willing and able to weather the storm with me.
  3. I need to be with someone I can trust. All boys know how to do is lie and deceive, but men know how to tell the truth regardless of the consequences. Trust is the foundation of any good relationship, but that’s something that takes time to build. Men know how to earn it and keep it, and they also know it’s nearly impossible to get back once it’s broken, so they’re more likely to appreciate it while they have it.
  4. I’m ready to settle down. I’m not saying the next man I meet needs to propose, marry me and immediately father my babies. I’m just saying that I’m sick of dating just for the sake of it and I’m ready for a relationship that’s going to last. I want a guy who’s going to be ready for that too. Boys worry about right now, but men know how to plan for the years to come. That’s what I really want — a man I actually have a future with.
  5. I want a healthy relationship. I’ll never find that with an immature man-child. I’m sick of boys who just make me feel bad about myself. I’m sick of fighting and having a guy tear me apart piece by piece. I want a man who actually cares about my mental health and well-being and who cares about our relationship too. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so.
  6. I’m sick of playing games. We shouldn’t be hot and heavy one minute and cold as ice the next. I’m sick of boys testing how much I like them and trying to keep me guessing. I’m not in high school anymore. The only drama I need in my life is on Grey’s Anatomy. If a guy likes me and wants to be with me, he should act like it. It’s as simple as that.
  7. I don’t want to have to wonder how he feels. Boys don’t know how to express themselves. They can’t show or tell you how they feel because they haven’t learned the skills, but that’s not my problem. I don’t want to have to do any more guesswork. I want to be confident that a man loves me. I’m sick of boys giving me reasons to question their love. At the end of the day, I just want to feel safe and secure in a relationship.
  8. I’m done with casual — I want serious. I’m ready for a real relationship and I need commitment. Boys don’t know the first thing about commitment. They’re all too scared or not ready (whatever that means) or pretend they want it and back out when stuff gets too real. Real men want love just as much as women do. The only thing they’re afraid of is getting hurt, and that’s what I’m afraid of too.
  9. Boys run when times get tough. Men, on the other hand, know how to brave the storm. A real man will stick by my side through thick and thin. All relationships have good days and bad — that’s just life. A mature guy knows that the good times are worth a few fights here and there. All boys know is how to run for the hills the second things aren’t “fun” anymore.
  10. I want someone who will actually make an effort. Boys think they can skate through life never giving a crap, but that kind of relationship just doesn’t work for me. Men know that if they really want a woman’s heart, they’re going to have to work for it and keep working every single day. Boys won’t make the effort, but a good man will know I’m worth it.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.