I’m DONE With Guys Saying They Want A Relationship When They Just Want Sex

Lots of people are fine with hooking up with someone without the promise of a relationship, but I’m not one of them. I’m always perfectly clear about the fact that sex isn’t happening unless there’s a commitment involved, but rather than respecting that choice, so many of the guys I date only act like they want something real when they actually just want to get laid. And quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of it.

  1. I don’t deserve to be given false hope. All I’m asking is for men to stop leading me on. It’s exhausting. I’m sick of getting my hopes up and thinking I’ve finally found something real only to find out that the thing he actually wanted was to get me into bed. They say hope breeds eternal misery, and in the case of my love life, that couldn’t be more true.
  2. I’m always upfront about what I want. I don’t make the fact that I’m looking for a relationship a secret. So if I can be gracious enough to tell a man what I want, why can’t he do the same for me? I’m no hypocrite. All I want is for a man to give me exactly what I’m giving him: a little respect and honesty.
  3. I’m not giving it up without some sort of commitment. I’m not having sex with a guy who’s not officially my boyfriend. That may make me a “prude” to some people, but it’s my life and my body. I might live in a world where meaningless sex is common practice, but that doesn’t mean sex has to be meaningless to me.
  4. I want a boyfriend, not a hookup buddy. I have absolutely no interest in a relationship that consists of just sex and no emotions. I’m not a man’s booty call, and I’m sick of boys who pretend to be good guys all so they can get me into bed. If a man doesn’t really like me, then he shouldn’t screw with my heart, especially because I’m not going to screw him.
  5. Tricking women into having sex doesn’t make someone manlier. Some guys just put notch after notch in their belts just so they can brag to other guys. The amount of sex you’re having and the number of partners doesn’t make you cool. There’s nothing brag-worthy about messing with a woman’s heart just to get her into bed.
  6. There’s no such thing as “no strings attached.” I’m sorry (not sorry), but when it comes to sex I can’t check my emotions at the door. For me, strings are always attached. I can’t have sex with someone that I’m not actually interested in. To me, sex isn’t just finding physical pleasure with any random body. So if a man wants a no-strings-attached arrangement, he’s officially done seeing me.
  7. It’s time for the boys to become men. I’m not going to put an age limit on when anyone should stop having casual sex, because that’s a personal decision I refuse to judge. However, I think there does come a time when players need to grow the hell up and be able to tell a woman what they want. If a man wants a relationship, then I’m all in, but if he just wants sex, he should be mature enough to be honest about that.
  8. I don’t want to hear any more excuses. I don’t care if these players apologize for changing their mind or blame the whole situation on mixed signals — I’m not buying any of it. They can spout all the BS they want, but at the end of the day, they’re all the same. A player is a player, and no excuse can change that.
  9. I’m over the games. I’m so done with all of this BS. Dating shouldn’t be a guessing game. I shouldn’t have to decode and dissect everything a man says and does to figure out if he really likes me or just wants my body. I’m way too old for games and way too tired for that kind of drama.
  10. Emotions shouldn’t be used as a weapon. Especially not for sex. I want love, but I’m not desperate. I won’t sleep with a man just to up the chance of him someday becoming my boyfriend. I’m sick of men using the potential of a real relationship just to get sex. My desire for an emotional connection shouldn’t make me easy prey.
  11. They should have the balls to be honest about their intentions. Lying is easy, but raw honesty? Now that’s hard. It might be hard to say and even harder to hear, but that’s what I really want: the truth. Even if a guy is scared to tell me his true intentions, I’ll have way more respect for him if he’s straight-up instead of shady about this stuff.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.