I used to have a total savior complex, always dating guys who needed to be fixed or helped in some way. I thought somehow being with me would make them all better but it never did. Now I’m older, smarter, and more aware of my worth—and I’ll never do that crap again.
- I’ve been too giving too many times. It’s fine to be a giving person as long as I don’t feel like I’m losing myself in the process. The way I was giving to those guys was not a healthy way of doing so. I always ended up feeling frustrated, invisible and taken for granted. Now I can see that I was allowing myself to be put in that position and I won’t make the same mistake again.
- I don’t ask enough of men. I’m always afraid to ask for what I need because I think that every man will run away when I do. The truth is that most of them run anyway because I’m choosing the wrong guys. I should know right away that if I’m not comfortable being myself and asking for what I need, the guy isn’t a good fit.
- I give selfish guys too many free passes. I finally find a guy I like and I become so blind that I make excuses for all of his BS. I want it to work out so badly that I ignore how wrong for me he truly is. I’m done making excuses for men who don’t appreciate what I’m worth and who take advantage of me. I don’t care if this means I’m single most of the time.
- I like myself too much now to be a doormat anymore. It took me a long time to get to a place where I finally feel confident and worthy of everything I want. I used to accept the love I thought I deserved, and it wasn’t very good love if I’m honest. Now I know that I should get so much more than that from a man and I won’t take less than I should.
- Life is too short to waste on douchebags. It really is. I used to expend so much time and energy on men who actually made me super miserable just because I wanted someone in my life. Guess what? I’m single as can be now and I’m way happier. I’m not going to fall into that trap again. Now I’ll wait and stay single as long as is necessary until I find a guy who’s worth it.
- I’m pretty damn happy on my own. I used to be sad and lonely when I was single, but not anymore. I’m so focused and motivated and determined to live my best life that there’s no space for such silly things as loneliness. I’m happily surrounded by friends, family, and coworkers who I enjoy. That’s all I really need. I won’t waste time on another crappy dude just so I can say I have a boyfriend.
- I’ve had enough guys genuinely care about me to see the difference. When I look back on my life, the difference between the men who really cared about me and those who were simply using me is very clear. I keep that in mind now when I weigh my options. It’s a helpful reminder not to fall back in with some narcissistic pain in the butt who doesn’t deserve me.
- It’s pretty easy to tell early on if a guy is a turd. It is easy – if I have my eyes open. I get so distracted with the butterflies in my tummy sometimes that I jump in way too fast and I don’t weigh the situation practically. I’ve decided now that I need to simply sit back, take my time, and get to know a man slowly. Then the red flags will slap me in the face and I won’t be able to avoid seeing them.
- When I gave constantly, I felt unhappy and miserable. People like me who are naturally wired to be givers, especially emotional givers, are easily taken advantage of by takers. It’s quite common for givers to attract takers—the trick lies in recognizing and rejecting those people who are going to suck the life out of me. I am breaking out of old bad patterns and I will not be dating any more vampires!
- I never understood why men didn’t treat me well. I think that deep down, I thought I wasn’t worth more, so I accepted it. I thought it was the best I could do and I was afraid to lose even a terrible man because then I’d be all alone. It turns out that being alone is actually a hell of a lot more rewarding than staying in a horrible relationship. I let those guys treat me poorly, so they did.
- It’s too much time and effort spent for nothing. I was exhausted and I didn’t know why, but now I understand that it was because I kept giving all of myself to men who didn’t value or appreciate me. I was so confused as to why they didn’t want to give back to me, but clearly it’s because I was choosing all the wrong guys. Now I spend my energy where it gives me the most personal satisfaction and reward.
- I have plenty of people in my life who actually appreciate me. I used to ignore the people who really care about me in order to win the affection of a man who would never love me as much as I wanted. Now I can see that I was all wrong. I spend more time with my family and friends now, and I’d rather do that any day than go on another date with another stranger.
