I’m Done Training Guys On How To Be In A Relationship

Why does it feel like every guy I’ve dated lately needs training on how to be in a relationship? It’s not that hard to be a caring, thoughtful partner, especially when you’re receiving the same in return, but so many guys don’t seem to get that and I’m kinda over it.

Grown men shouldn’t need training. 

They shouldn’t need their girlfriends to double as their moms by constantly reminding them what they need to be doing and when they need to be doing it. I personally don’t want to date guys that have no idea what they’re doing in a relationship or just in life in general. They should have their acts together by now and if they don’t, that’s a problem.

Haven’t they learned anything from past relationships? 

If guys’ relationship histories are suspiciously short when we meet, I’d rather not even go there. I want someone who’s actually spent time as someone’s S.O. because it means that even if the relationship ended, he likely learned something about how to be a better partner/man. If these dudes paid attention to what went wrong with their exes, I’m sure they could apply what they’ve learned to their relationship with me at least a little bit.

It’s not up to me to tell them when they messed up.

I’m not saying communication isn’t important in any type of relationship, but asking me, “What did I do now?” like whiny children doesn’t really help the situation and honestly will only make me question if they were living in a different version of what just happened. Guys should be able to figure this stuff out, right?

If I wanted to become a teacher, I would’ve been. 

I don’t want to have to sit guys down and explain to them what they did wrong and why it was bad or what they could’ve/should’ve done differently. I feel like I’m wagging my finger at a dog that just marked his territory on my houseplant, not having an adult conversation with someone who’s supposed to be my equal partner. I’m supposed to be his girlfriend, not his disciplinarian.

We’re not hard to figure out if guys just pay attention. 

The bottom line is that most women just want to be treated with kindness, consideration, and respect. Most of us aren’t insistent on grandiose gestures or anything over-the-top—we just want guys to give a damn. Please explain to me why some guys think this is a difficult concept to grasp.

I refuse to waste any more time.

Here’s the common trend that happens in my dating life: I date guys that don’t know what they’re doing, so I train them on how I like to be treated in a relationship and what’s expected (just mutual respect sounds like a good start to me). Finally, they resent me for nagging and they leave. Then some other girl benefits from my hard work. This has happened more times than I can count and I’m over it.

Trying to force guys to get a clue is a pointless exercise. 

I’ve learned that you can’t force anyone to change who they are—people will only change when they want to do it themselves. You know when you say you want to start working out and going to the gym but then you never do because it’s new, unfamiliar, and generally not fun to do? Yeah, the same thing kinda applies here.

I’m sick of playing the blame game.

As much as I hate to admit it, maybe I have some blame in this trend of training guys and it going horribly wrong for me. After all, I’m the common denominator in this equation. Maybe I should stop blaming guys as a whole and think about why I think they need “training” in the first place.

My definition of what’s right might not fit someone else’s.

Just because I know what I like in my relationships doesn’t mean it has to be my way or the highway. These guys He might have some expectations in the relationship that I don’t meet! Being with me might be a whole different ball game to them, so of course they need to learn the new rules/expectations. It’s only natural that there’s going to be an adjustment period.

Not all guys are like this, I know.

 The truth is, not all guys need training when it comes to being in a relationship. Every relationship is different. I shouldn’t treat every relationship the same or expect the same issues to arise with every new guy that I date. I can’t predict the future, after all. Blaming other guys because of my own personal baggage isn’t fair—we all have our own stuff to deal with. Maybe I could use some training myself!

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