I’m Fine With Being Single, I Just Don’t Want To Be Single FOREVER

I genuinely enjoy being on my own and wonder whether that will ever change. There’s a nagging thought in the back of my mind that keeps reminding me I could be single for the rest of my life and to be perfectly honest, that thought terrifies me. I want to say I’d be totally fine with it but I don’t think I would.

Forever seems like a long time.

In the present, I have plenty to keep my busy including work, an active social life, and hobbies I enjoy. When I start to look to the future, the single life seems like it’s missing something. While I don’t necessarily want my current lifestyle to change immediately, I also don’t like the thought of every day for the rest of my life being spent single.

Dating is exhausting.

Online dating, blind dates, hook ups, ghosting, never knowing if he’s actually going to ask me out again—I’d really like to one day not have to deal with any of this crap. Getting to know someone new can be exciting but it’s also nerve-wracking and absolutely crushing when date after date never seems to lead anywhere. I’m really looking forward to the day when I don’t feel obligated to be on Tinder anymore.

It does get lonely.

Yes, I love watching TV alone on my couch at the end of a long work day. I’m totally fine with ordering takeout on a Saturday and relaxing with a good book. But sometimes it would be nice to have someone to go out to eat with or watch a horror movie with. I like doing a lot of things alone but there are still days when I’d love a little company.

I can be set in my ways.

I have a good routine going and plenty of things I like doing on my own so on a day to day basis, being single is just fine. But in the long run, I wonder how easy it will be to adapt to someone else’s habits. Being in a relationship involves a lot of compromises and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We all need to learn to be flexible but when you’ve been single too long, it gets a lot harder.

I would like to have children.

Not that I can’t have kids on my own, but it’s not exactly ideal. It’s hard enough raising kids without having do it as a single mom, so if possible I’d like to be in a relationship with the father of my kids. That means I can’t stay single forever and as every woman in her 30s knows, the ticking of that biological clock will only get louder as the years go by.

Being single is fun… except when it’s not.

Meeting new people and going on dates is fun. Having the freedom to do whatever I want is fun. Focusing my energy on my own interests and putting myself first is really fun. But going to weddings without a date isn’t my favorite. Always being the fifth wheel with my friends and their boyfriends sucks. Wondering if I’ll ever find anyone is really depressing. So yeah, I generally like being single, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

Being in love is pretty amazing.

Having someone in your life who is like your best friend (who you also have great sex with) is something we all want, right? Love has the potential to end up hurting a lot if it ends, but pretty much everyone would tell you the risk is completely and totally worth it.

I don’t like the feeling of being “the single one.”

 Being single is fine, it’s just when I’m the only single one that it feels a little bit weird and almost abnormal. Of course I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but I can’t help but feel sometimes like everyone who is coupled up feels a little bit sorry for me. I know they probably also envy my freedom sometimes, but they also wouldn’t trade spots with me given the choice.

I’m not even expecting a lifelong love.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of looking for your one and only and then being able to settle down and never worry about dating again but I don’t know how realistic that is. Maybe I’ll end up falling in love a few more times, and that’s fine. As long as I get to experience a happy relationship at some point, I don’t require that it lasts until the day I die.

I’m afraid I’ll have to settle.

The longer I’m single, the more I feel like I’m eventually going to get desperate and just commit to the first guy who comes along. I don’t want just anyone—I want someone who’s right for me. Someone who will make my life better. Will I end up single forever if I keep waiting around for the perfect (for me) guy?

I do like a lot of time alone.

In order to maintain my sanity, I need me time. I like to do things alone and honestly, a relationship really gets in the way of that. Right now, I get as much time to myself as I want but I know if I want a relationship, I’m eventually going to have to give that up. Although I don’t particularly like that thought, I’d make it work for the right person.

It’s scary to think that there’s no guarantee I’ll find someone.

We always reassure ourselves by saying there’s someone out there for everyone and ending up alone is unlikely. But it’s still possible. If I don’t want to settle and there’s actually a lot I like about being single, who says I’ll ever find love and give a commitment a try? If it’s something I really want, I’m going to have to start making an effort at some point and I’m just not there yet.

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