I’m In Love With Someone Who Doesn’t Know I Exist: How To Cope

Unrequited love is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. When the love is unrequited because your special someone doesn’t even know you exist, it’s even more frustrating. Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances of the person you love noticing you. And if they won’t notice you or don’t love you back, there are some tips you can follow to help you deal. Read on!

  1. Work on your self-esteem. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, whether or not they know you exist, is hard on the self-esteem. So above else, it’s important to practice self-love and self-care. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the validation that you’re not getting from your crush. This is also a good idea because the better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll come across to others. Working on your self-esteem could be a game-changer in terms of getting your crush to notice you.
  2. Attend events where you know they’ll be. One of the first steps in getting the person you love to notice you is actually entering their radar. Make an effort to be seen by attending events where you know they’ll be. For example, if you get invited to a party they’re attending, go. It’s even easier if you attend the same school or work together. Try to appear in their life frequently until they notice you.
  3. Smile at them when you catch their eye. According to All Women’s Talk, smiling at someone leaves a lasting impression. Since most people don’t smile at strangers, this can help to cement you in your crush’s memory. It will likely make you stand out and make them curious about you.
  4. Find opportunities to talk to them. Look for any opportunity to talk to the person you love from afar. And that doesn’t have to include flirting. You could start by talking as friends or acquaintances. This also gives you the chance to work out how you feel about them as you get to know them properly. Again, this is easier if you see them all the time at work or school.
  5. Add them on social media. Social media plays a powerful role in many relationships. This is an easy way to kick off a relationship with someone new. And it doesn’t require as much courage as actually approaching the person you love in real life! A simple friend request can be the start of something amazing. At the very least, it will put you on the radar of the person you love.
  6. Become friends with their friends. Sometimes, the best way to get someone to notice you is for their friends to notice you first. Many of us care about what our friends are doing and who they socialise with. So if their friends are friends with you, it may show that person that you’re worth getting to know.
  7. Have a friend bring you up. If you already have mutual friends with the person you love, get then to bring you up in conversation. You could try getting them to talk you up or even set you up. But a more subtle approach can be effective too. By getting your friend to bring you up, your crush will know you exist. Then it will be easier to approach them or add them on social media, rather than doing it out of the blue.
  8. Avoid seeing that person as a god. When we fall in love (or lust), it’s easy to see that person as being better than us. Many people view those they love as god-like figures, and this is especially true in the case of unrequited love. But if you can help it, remember that the other person is as human as you are. They’re not perfect, and your life wouldn’t be complete if they simply loved you back. When you put the other person on a pedestal, it makes it more daunting to approach them. And it makes you feel worse if, in the end, they don’t reciprocate. Plus, if they do end up liking you back, you’ll be disappointed to learn they’re just a person with flaws.
  9. Recognize that you deserve to be noticed. At the end of the day, you deserve a love that is reciprocal. You deserve to be noticed, not to spend your life loving someone from afar who doesn’t know you exist. So follow the steps to get yourself noticed. And if that person still doesn’t acknowledge you or develop feelings for you, recognize that you deserve better. There will be someone out there who does love you back. While you can’t make yourself stop loving someone on the spot, and you can set up boundaries so that you eventually move on from that person. Try the no-contact rule, where you cut off all contact with that person—which shouldn’t be difficult if they don’t know you exist. And focus your attention on better people and things.
Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.