I’m So Jaded About Men That I’m Not Sure How To Date Anymore

I’m So Jaded About Men That I’m Not Sure How To Date Anymore ©iStock/skynesher

I want to find love, but it feels nearly impossible. It’s not that I don’t believe it exists, it’s just that I’ve had such bad luck with guys in the past that I don’t even know how to date anymore.

  1. I’ve been hurt too many times. Even if I haven’t experienced heartbreak with every single man I’ve dated, I’ve definitely felt disappointed and let down. We’re all human, but when so many guys are lazy and put in no effort whatsoever, it gets old very quickly. I’m far from the only person I know who’s experienced this. It feels crappy when someone treats you like you don’t matter. It feels crappy when you’re working so hard at something, only to have the other person give up on it like it’s nothing important.
  2. My friends are constantly getting screwed over. No, not all of them, but the majority. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve watched a seemingly perfect relationship fall apart before my eyes because a guy wasn’t being honest or ended up cheating. It’s so easy to avoid hurting someone you care for, but they simply couldn’t seem to manage it. I’m sorry, but after being there with my friends and helping them through their heartache, I’m biased. I can’t help it. These men deeply wounded people I love. Even the ones I thought were decent ended up screwing my girls over somehow. It sucks.
  3. I’m terrible at picking the right ones. I suck at dating, I’ll admit it. First of all, for some reason, no one ever hits on me. That right there makes the whole thing pretty difficult. I’m not going to change who I am just so men will approach me, though — that’s stupid. The problem is that then I get impatient because no one is asking me out, so I make the first move. I inevitably choose poorly, and then we’re off to the races. My terrible taste makes for lackluster relationships and that subsequently kills my faith in relationships in general.
  4. I don’t know if I believe there are good guys out there anymore. I know a few, but they all got snatched up quickly, and not by me. I’ve dated a few, but they definitely weren’t right for me. As I get older, the pickings get slimmer and slimmer. I’m scared that I’m going to be stuck with all the leftovers if I don’t figure something out quickly. It’s so difficult not to be cynical when I’m constantly having gross encounters with men and hearing the dozens of gross encounters that my friends experience.
  5. It seems like every guy I know is always looking around for something better. What happened to being content and happy with the person you have? Maybe it’s online dating and the thousands of options now available at your fingertips. It’s really annoying, I can tell you that. Even if they’re seemingly happy in a relationship, I don’t believe that they won’t turn in an instant. Yes, I’m cynical. He wants everything to be easy and the instant it isn’t, he goes and finds someone else.
  6. I don’t trust any man. That’s the bottom line, I guess. I have major trust issues. The weird thing is that as far as I know, no man has officially cheated on me. Still, I can always tell in my gut when something’s off. I’ve seen too much screwed up stuff happen to other people I know seemingly out of the blue. How can I ever believe it won’t happen to me too? I feel a constant urge to protect myself from getting in too deep. I’m so scared that I’m going to be hurt that I have a hard time going there in the first place.
  7. I’ve been around too many gross guys in my work environment. Working in the restaurant industry will sour any woman towards guys. All I’ve heard for the past 10 years is men that I work with saying lewd things about female customers. How can I possibly think well of them when I hear some of the disgusting crap they say? It’s one thing to think that stuff but quite another to say it out loud within definite earshot of me. I’ve even had guys make comments to me about girls directly as if I’m going to agree with them or something. Do I look like a dude to you? Yuck.
  8. I meet a lot of self-absorbed, shallow men. Granted, I live in Los Angeles, a mecca for narcissists. I certainly hope it isn’t this bad elsewhere. Maybe I should move and find out. I’m really losing faith in the idea that there are great, thoughtful, polite and respectful guys in the world. Everyone here is working towards some very self-centered dream goal and wrapped up in his own little world. I don’t feel like listening to you talk about yourself all the time. I don’t think I can handle another first date where I have to play therapist. I don’t even KNOW you, dude.
  9. Men don’t understand me at all. If I ever meet one who does, game over. He’s so screwed because I’m going to trap his ass! Just…kidding… but seriously…why am I such an enigma to the guys who date me? You would not believe how many guys read me wrong.  Just because I’m strong and independent doesn’t mean I want to act like the guy in the relationship. It actually means I want someone to treat me well because I have to be so confident and ambitious all the time. Yes, please, ask me out first, and give me compliments. Every girl likes compliments. And I know you’re shocked, but I’m actually a hopeless romantic. Surprise! If I go on one more date with some guy who doesn’t get me, I’m going to lose my mind.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.