I’m Jealous Of My Successful Friends—Here’s How I’m Coping

I purposely surround myself with independent, intelligent, and ambitious women and I wouldn’t have it any other way. However, lately it seems like all of my friends are crushing goals left and right while I’m just ambling along living my same old boring life. It’s made me super jealous and I’ve started to withdraw a little bit from my friends because of it, which I know is stupid. That’s why I’m determined to get over my envy by doing these things:

  1. I’ve started admitting to myself that I’m jealous. Admitting that I am jealous has actually helped me move on. While facing the issue head on is a painful process sometimes, I’ve found that it has helped me sort out my own emotional issues so that I can be a better, supportive friend. When you realize you’re being jealous, it’s much easier to realize you’re being ridiculous.
  2. I’ve reached out to them to reconnect. Reconnecting is critical. Some of my friends have asked me why I haven’t really been around lately while others were just happy to hear from me again. I’ve realized that I’ve been totally losing out on my friendships by letting my jealousy get the best of me. That doesn’t feel good at all and I’m determined not to let it happen.
  3. I’m trying to learn from them. I am so blessed to have smart, driven and focused friends. Instead of being jealous of them, I might as well learn from them! Lately, I’ve been thinking about what makes my friends successful and trying to find a way to incorporate those things into my own life.
  4. I take inventory of my own achievements. It also occurred to me that I am not lacking in achievements. Taking inventory of all of my achievements both large and small has helped me to see the bigger picture. We are all winning in our own way, and I should be proud of myself instead of wishing that I had someone else’s life.
  5. I’ve started to reevaluate my own goals. I’ve started thinking critically about my goals and ambitions. I think that my jealousy stemmed from the fact that I wasn’t as focused anymore, so I made a list of 10 things I’d like to achieve over the next few years. Some of my goals are loftier than others but reevaluating them has helped me to refocus my energy, ground myself again and think positively for the future.
  6. I’m trying to be more present. Even though there are a ton of things I want to accomplish, I’ve been forcing myself to focus on what I am doing right now. Deliberately focusing on the present has made me much more productive, efficient, and actually happier. Rather than thinking about all of the things I’m not doing to achieve my goals, being more mindful of what I AM doing is changing my perspective on how to get to where I want to be.
  7. I’m taking more me-time to work out my insecurities. I’ve also had to face my own insecurities about not being good enough or feeling inferior to my friends. Admittedly, surrounding myself with like-minded women can make me a little competitive. As a result, I expose some of my own insecurities and fears. For example, I realized that I’m super insecure about living up to the person that people think I am. Yikes, right? Well, by owning my insecurity, I feel like now I have the power to nip it in the bud so that I don’t project it onto my friends. It’s a process but it’s helping.
  8. I’m learning to be more forgiving of myself. I’m trying to be more forgiving of myself and I remind myself regularly that I am only human! I’m going to make mistakes and I’m not always going to be the best—I know that sounds super cliche but it really is true. Admittedly, this part of the process of getting over my jealousy issues is much more difficult than the other steps I’ve taken, but ultimately I know I’ll be a better person and friend for it.
  9. I’m keeping a gratitude list. Every day I write down five things that I’m grateful for that day. It sounds corny, but I’ve noticed that it’s giving me much needed perspective. Maybe I’m not getting a huge bonus or promotion or scholarship like all of my wonderful friends right now, but I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. I have a roof over my head, a great job, a healthy relationship, amazing friends and so many other things. I firmly believe that gratitude is the antidote for jealousy.
  10. I remind myself that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that opportunity and success look different for everyone. What looks really good from one side of the street may feel completely different to the person actually standing on that side. By reconnecting with my friends and learning to get over myself, I realized that it’s all a matter of perspective.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.