I’m In Love With My Best Friend But I Don’t Think He’s Into Me

I’m In Love With My Best Friend But I Don’t Think He’s Into Me ©iStock/filadendron

I have a confession to make: I’m totally, completely over-the-moon in love with my best guy friend. The problem? Well, I’m terrified that things will go wrong and I’ll lose not only a boyfriend, but the person who’s stuck by my side through everything over the past few years.

  1. There’s no guarantee that it would work out. In fact, it’s far more likely that things would eventually end between us. And then what? Would we just go back to how we are now and pretend like none of that ever happened? Realistically, IF we were able to salvage our friendship after we broke up, it would be a shell of the close friendship we have now. It’s easy to imagine we’d live happily ever after, but common sense says differently.
  2. A potential relationship isn’t worth our existing friendship. Honestly, I think we really could be amazing as a couple if we ever decided to take that leap. But all of that is hypothetical right now, and the friendship we have already is real life. Just because I have this perfect picture in my head of what a relationship with him could be like doesn’t mean I’d be willing to give up what I already have with him if things go wrong. I don’t think it’s a good idea to take that risk.
  3. His past might become an issue. Even though I’m head over heels for him, I know that right now, I’m still “just” his friend. So while, yes, it does sting a little when he tells me about all his sexcapades, it’s not the end of the world for me to hear about them. I know if we were in a relationship, though, I’d be in full-on girlfriend mode… and then overthink every one-night stand and casual fling he’s told me about.
  4. The idea of being with him is probably better than the reality would be. I’m not naive enough to ignore the fact that whatever I’m imagining with him isn’t what would actually play out if we were to take things further. The quirks he has that I adore now would likely turn into serious annoyances down the road. As much as I want to be with him romantically, I think it’s better for our friendship for me to wonder about what might’ve been instead of taking that leap and letting my perception of him be destroyed.
  5. Just telling him how I feel might make things weird. We flirt, yeah, but aside from that, I really haven’t gotten any signs that he feels the same way about me that I do for him. So what would be gained from me pouring my heart out to him? Even if he let me down gently, he’d still probably treat me at least somewhat differently. It’s hard to come back from a confession like that when two friends are as close as we are.
  6. The fact that I can’t make a move makes him even more appealing to me. I know that a huge part of his appeal right now is how out of reach he is. I’m a little hung up on this idea that no matter how much I may want to be with him, I’ll probably never make a move because of how much I value him as a friend. Unfortunately, that concept of always wanting what I can’t have is just making him seem even more perfect. It’s a never-ending cycle of confusing feelings.
  7. I’m pretty sure he likes someone else anyway. He hasn’t specifically told me that he likes this girl, but they interact with each other a lot on social media, and recently, he’s been on his phone a lot more when we hang out. Maybe it’s just me being worried— and I don’t even have any right to be since I’m “just” his friend — but I really feel like there’s someone else making her way into his life right now. I’m happy for him, but it also just confirms that me telling him how I feel wouldn’t be a good idea.
  8. I’m fine with how things are now. Some people can’t stay friends with people they have strong feelings for, but if things stayed platonic between this guy and me forever, I’d be fine with it. I may be mad about him, but I’m a mature adult — I can set those feelings aside and just be happy that he’s in my life as my BFF. Maybe I’d try to take things to the next level if being around him was torture because how I felt about him, but that’s not the case here.
  9. It would be hard to go back after moving forward. Let’s say that we did decide to get into a relationship. Even if things ended amicably, perhaps with both of us deciding we’d just be better off as friends than partners, we’d be kidding ourselves if we’d think that our friendship would just go back to normal. At least one of us (erm, probably me) would still have lingering feelings, and the whole thing would just be awkward.
  10. I don’t know what I’d do without him in my life. There are friendships I might be willing to sacrifice if I thought we had relationship potential, but the one I have with him isn’t one of them. His friendship is invaluable to me, and when it comes down to it, any love story we might have isn’t worth what we have going now. I’d be lost without him, so if keeping him in my life means not pursuing something more with him, I’m totally fine with that.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.