I’m No Fool, But I Still Deluded Myself Into Thinking My Crush Liked Me Back

Crushing on someone is like being under a spell. It just takes over your mind completely and all but erases your common sense. That’s exactly what happened to me when I fell for a guy HARD and gradually cut ties with reality, letting myself be deceived in these 10 ways:

1. I believed that something so intense could never be one-sided. The hardest part of it was to realize that having intense feelings for someone doesn’t necessarily mean those feelings are mutual. I kinda convinced myself that I couldn’t have been the only one with such strong feelings — he had to reciprocate, for sure. Years later, I finally realized that perhaps there were some “vibes” coming from his side, but they definitely weren’t romantic. They were vibes from a guy who was feeling bored but also flattered to have a younger woman at his feet.
2. I saw hidden signs everywhere. Life to me became a big love conspiracy and I saw hidden messages everywhere insisting that we were meant to be. All I thought about was him and I neglected myself, my work, and people that were close to me as a result. Everything was related to my crush or had some secret connection with him.
3. I misinterpreted his gestures and intentions. Everything he did or said had to be intentionally romantic, even if it was so subtle as to seem nearly nonexistent. I kept playing our encounters in my head, overanalyzing them down to the tiniest detail and trying to find hidden meaning in everything. I was too naive to understand that even if he acted flirty, it would never mean anything if he didn’t make a move.
4. The certainty that it was meant to be kept me from moving on.  The hopeless romantic in me desperately wanted find The One. I didn’t want to wait any longer and I didn’t want to keep looking, so it had to be him. I already had a mental image of us being together forever, and I refused to let go of it.
5. When he pulled away, I kept making excuses for him. When he made it clear to me that he wasn’t interested, I kept making excuses for him. Moreover, I blamed myself for the lack of progress between us when it was clearly his place to make a move. This was made even worse by his attitude and the way he’d reel me back in the minute I started to move away.
6. Deep down, I believed I was entitled to his love. I let my crush know in many different ways how I felt and didn’t play any games with him. For some reason, I was convinced this meant I was entitled to his love. It felt “right” in my heart and so incredibly good to be around him that it was only a matter of time until he too realised that I was the one for him. The prolem is, it never happened.
7. The red flags were there but I turned a blind eye. Looking back, there were countless warning signs that we would never be together, but I systematically ignored all of them, thinking that love beats all barriers. I loved the challenge he presented and the excitement he brought in my life. Besides, I was addicted to the thrill and heartbreak my own feelings gave me.
8. I used my friends as a way to justify my obsession. I bet I was a real pain in the ass for my friends during that time. All I talked about was that guy and how things were between us. I kept trying to make other people say what I wanted to hear, and in the end, they did… just to make me shut up.
9. I took whatever BS he said to me seriously. Guys feel flattered when a woman admires and looks up to them like I did, and my former crush was no different. He played along with it, and even though he knew how I felt, he didn’t turn me down directly but instead encouraged me to hang around just to entertain him and boost his ego. I now understand that the guy had some serious issues and was clearly manipulating me by encouraging my feelings, then later rejecting me and keeping me on the back burner.
10. I believed we were going to have a Hollywood-level romance. In my deluded mind, we had a Carrie and Mr. Big kind of thing. Considering it’s been more than 10 years since the last time I saw him, that’s clearly not the case. Oh well. Thankfully, I’ve since moved on to someone who likes me back. Like, for real.