Despite what you might think, all hope isn’t lost when it comes to finding lasting love. There are still decent guys out there, but we’ll never find them by giving the time of day to scrubs. I refuse to let my year go to waste and am kicking ’em to the curb as soon as I catch a whiff of a red flag. If you hear any of these tired lines, you should do the same.
- “I’m too busy.” It takes two seconds to send a text and if you really want to see someone, you’ll make the time for them. No one is too preoccupied or tired for what they really want, period. And even if they can’t engage you in a full convo or FaceTime session, the art of a simple “good morning/night” message isn’t lost either. If he isn’t fitting you into his schedule somehow, it’s simply because he doesn’t want to and that’s straight up rude to keep you waiting and wondering.
- “I’m not ready for a relationship.” “Bad timing” is almost always a lie. If he can accommodate receiving girlfriend favors from you, find time to flirt, expects texts, and tries to sleep with you, he’s just copping out of commitment by denying you a title. Even if he wasn’t out actively looking or expecting anything, it’s immature and self-serving to only want the perks that come with your chemistry together and deny the respect of admitting to more.
- “I wasn’t raised that way.” I get that we weren’t all blessed with role models growing up. Maybe his parents divorced when he was young or did stay together but had a tumultuous relationship in front of him. However, he’s still had plenty of time since then to learn basic empathy and kindness despite not having a direct example from his childhood. If this was really the case, he wouldn’t know how to relate to his buddies, siblings, or himself either. We all have ways to figure it out. It’s not a difficult concept to treat others the way you want to be treated whether or not anyone explicitly showed you how.
- “It’s too hard to change.” What exactly are you doing with your life if you’re not dedicated to continual self-improvement and obtaining more knowledge? He just became who he is today and that’s it forever? This is such a lazy and immature thought process and a definite deal-breaker. Lack of personal growth is a major turn-off.
- “I don’t believe in putting my relationship on social media because I don’t want everyone in my business.” What is so secretive about your girlfriend? Are you ashamed? You need to set boundaries from day one because the longer you let this go, the more you’ll find yourself tiptoeing around “exposing him” and before you know it you’ll end up his side piece hiding in the bushes instead of a respected partner who’s included in his life. I refuse to linger in the sidelines.
- “I don’t know how to be romantic.” This is the digital age and there is no excuse for being an ignorant boyfriend. Google is an endless wealth of information. Trouble yourself with doing a little bit of research, dude. Find out your partner’s love language and attachment style. Take a compatibility quiz. Read about her zodiac sign. Join a male forum and post an anonymous question. Ask people you know who are in relationships. There are multiple ways to find things out that you don’t already know so I am not buying this one bit.
- “I’m trying”… still. This was all fine and dandy the first 100 times he said it, but it’s grown old. If he’s constantly saying this over and over with no tangible progress or results, he’s just talking. How long does it really take to get something done? It’s even worse when you get fed up and he tries to flip it back on you for not giving him “space to try.” Have all the space you need… alone. I need to see action.
- “I’m scared of commitment because I’m scarred from my past failed relationship.” Don’t keep punishing me because of your ex. Deal with your baggage or go. Everyone’s been hurt! This is a new relationship that deserves a fair chance. We’re already doomed to fail if he’s going to half-ass it because of someone else and/or fear of breaking up. If he’s too crippled and hurt to give something an honest chance, he shouldn’t have bothered to talk to anyone at all before working on himself.
- “I don’t like dressing up.” I hate when a guy comes out on a date looking like a straight-up bum. Is he not interested in attempting to make a good impression? This level of complacency from the start just predicts to me a lack of ability to put in an effort or compromise down the road.
- “She’s just a friend.” Look, this may well be true and if we’re not in a relationship, that’s fair enough. However, if a dude is spending more time talking to/about and/or spending time with another woman and then trying to convince me that there’s nothing there, I’m going to call him out on his lie. That sentence is literally code for “I’m sleeping with her or would like to be.”
If you love and respect yourself, do the right thing by yourself and call guys out on blatant lies and games. You’re too amazing to settle for something less than incredible and the sooner you realize that, the easier it will get to recognize red flags and walk away before you waste any more of your time.
