I’m done with pretending to be a totally different person just to keep guys interested. If a guy is really into me, he’ll stick around without me having to tone down my feelings.
I don’t like holding back.
Why should I pretend I couldn’t care less about seeing a guy when I’m actually really keen? I’m ready to find myself a boyfriend and if I meet a guy I like, I’m not going to waste time pretending I’m not sure. I’m not talking about declaring my love for someone after five minutes – that’s not how my feelings work – but if a date went well and I want to see the guy again, you won’t find me being aloof, either.
I want a guy who’s actually into me.
If I have free time, I want to spend it with the guy I’m dating, and I want this to be mutual. If the thought scares him to the point where the only way he’s interested is if I pull away, that’s really not good enough for me.
Pretending to be someone else is tiring.
I suck at acting. Going against my own better judgment and what I actually want is a lot of effort. I’m sure relationships are not supposed to be this hard. If you like someone, you like them and that’s it. If I have to put on a whole show for someone to fall for me, then he’ll actually be falling for someone else and not me.
What happens when I finally decide to show my true self?
All of a sudden Miss Distant is actually interested? Oh no! Say what you want about how guys need to feel that they’ve “earned” the girl, if a guy’s only interested in you when you’re unavailable, he’s going to disappear as soon as you show any actual interest in him. The only way to land a guy who actually sticks around is to not be afraid of showing interest from the start.
I don’t want to be with someone so easily manipulated.
I like my guys smarter than that, sorry. Someone who’s going to fall for the oldest trick in the book is going to make me lose interest real fast. In case you’re wondering, not all guys are like that, and not all guys are afraid of commitment either.
I want to date a man, not a child.
Children play games. Adults are supposed to be more emotionally mature than that. If I have to create a whole new persona to be with a guy or try and figure out his actual wants and needs from his contradictory behavior, it’s just one massive waste of time.
Playing games is dishonest and I don’t want a dishonest relationship.
You’re basically lying, aren’t you? If you’re sitting by the phone waiting for him to call and when he does, you pretend you couldn’t care less then you’re not being your authentic self. I don’t believe that relationships should be based on a lie. Yeah, you don’t want him to think you’re lonely and desperate, but you also don’t want a guy to think he’s not important to you if he actually is.
I’m not clingy or obsessive, just a regular girl looking for a normal relationship.
Saying “you should just be yourself” can only get you so far, I get it. If you’re overly obsessed with someone and start planning your wedding and naming your children after one date, then yeah, please feel free to tone it down a bit. But if you meet someone and think, “Hey, this is cool, I’d like to see this guy again” but wonder whether you should pretend to be totally unmoved, my advice is: don’t. You need to weed out the guys who can’t handle a real relationship, and it’s better to do it before you get too attached.
I don’t want a guy who’s only interested when I’m not available.
Because if that’s what he wants, you’re going to have to do this forever. What sort of relationship is that? I hate to break this to you, but some guys just like the chase. As soon as you stop running, they lose interest and run away themselves. So stop running and see what happens.
If he can’t handle me, he’s not into me or not into relationships.
If a guy likes me, he’ll be happy when I show interest. That’s the point of dating, right? If the thought of me actually being seriously into him freaks him out, then he’s either got commitment issues or is just not really interested in dating me specifically.
I’d rather not waste my time.
Emotional maturity is so important in relationships, but until I started developing my own, I kept falling into the trap of reacting to people’s games with counter games of my own. Once I realized how stupid this is, I just stopped. Now I just express my real feelings from the beginning. It’s the best way to weed out guys who are not grown up enough to date me.
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