I’m Not A Gold Digger, But If We’re Dating, You’d Better Have Your Act Together Financially

I’m not a very materialistic person. I live in a basic apartment, I don’t go shopping very often, I don’t even highlight my hair anymore and I’m certainly not looking for a guy to pay all my bills. That being said, I am looking for a guy who can act like an adult, pay his own bills, and who has his sh*t together financially. I’m not interested in dating a deadbeat.

He can’t live with his parents.

 I understand that the job market is tough and that life is expensive but if a guy’s in his late 20s or older and still living at home, that’s a red flag for me. He can make it work on his own whether he needs to live with roommates or rent a small apartment that needs to be fixed up. Sure, he’s probably saving money by living at home but to me, that shows that he’s not adult enough to be out on his own in the real world. Bills suck but it’s time to grow up.

I expect my guy to pay on our dates.

Especially when things are still fresh and new. If a guy takes me out on a date, I expect him to pay for whatever it is we’re doing. Call me old-fashioned but it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. Don’t invite me on a date and then expect me to split the bill in half with you. If a guy can’t pay the bill at a fancy restaurant, he should take me somewhere more casual instead. Better yet, he could cook me a nice dinner and save a little money.

He needs to have a full-time job.

 I’m not looking for someone who works part-time at a bar, has a dead-end job or jumps around from one job to the next. I want to know that I’m dating someone who can hold down a job and works hard every day. I want to know I’m dating someone who gives a damn about his future and his career. Holding down a full-time job, especially for a long time, shows me that a guy has no problem committing to something and that he’s capable of thinking long term.

I’m not going to be anyone’s sugar mama.

I make my own money and I work really hard —and that’s what I’m looking for in a partner too. I don’t want to have to loan someone money or pay for someone’s meals or pay his phone bill because he just can’t swing it. Some guys may find me intimidating, but I’m looking for someone strong and independent like myself. If a guy can’t support himself then I’ll be moving on.

If he has no career goals, it’s a no from me. 

Is he trying to climb the corporate ladder, make partner, get a promotion, write a book, open his own business, whatever? Honestly, I don’t care what his career goals are, as long as he has them and is actively working towards them.

Budgeting can’t be a foreign concept to him. 

I won’t judge too hard on this one because people enjoy different things. If the guy I’m dating wants to spend his extra money on travel, food, experiences, a nice watch, a new suit, a new car or toy, that’s great. If he’s spending his money on booze, gambling, or other degenerate things, I’ll know that it’s time for me to move on.

I expect the guy I’m dating to pay his own way.

If he’s still getting help from his parents or if his parents pay his rent, that’s a huge turn off for me. I’m a grown woman and I’m looking for another grown-up to spend my time with. We aren’t in college anymore. It’s time to start looking after himself.

He’s a grown man and should have a savings account.

 If a guy’s not smart enough or mature enough to have a backup plan if he needs it, he probably isn’t the right guy for me. Does he plan on ever buying a house? What about getting married? Does he ever plan on having kids and if so, what about sending them to college? I may be looking way into the future here, but I’m almost 30 years old and thinking this way shouldn’t be seen as crazy or unrealistic.

I want to be pampered every once in a while.

I want to be romanced. I’m not asking for expensive jewelry or a new car here, but I would like to have a partner who can treat me occasionally. Whether that’s a nice bouquet of flowers to let me know he’s thinking of me or planning a vacation together—it’s nice to have someone who has the means to do things like this.

At the end of the day, money isn’t a dealbreaker.

Listen, as much as I’ve just explained how important it is for me to be with someone who has their act together financially, I’m not unreasonable. For the right guy, I could look past some money issues. I understand that under certain circumstances, some great guys might not be exactly where they’d like to be financially. As long as he works hard, has some goals for himself and want’s to make a change, he’s alright in my book.

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