I’m Not A Hookup Chick Or A Relationship Girl—Where Does That Leave Me?

I’m at an age where everyone around me seems to fit into one of two categories: hookup chicks or relationship girls. Some are happily committed to their partners and have been going steady for years; others are riding out their 20s wildly, joyously dancing from guy to guy. I think both types are admirable, but I struggle a little because I don’t think I fit into either.

  1. Hookups terrify me. The idea of bringing a complete stranger home or going to a relative stranger’s house is super scary to me. Having sex with a guy who I don’t know is just… freaky. I mean, I don’t know if he’s into some really weird kinks or if he’s got an STD. What if he’s some kind of weird murderer? Maybe I watch too many crime shows to be a hookup chick.
  2. Relationships also terrify me. On the flipside, the idea of committing myself to someone is also scary. Getting close to him, trusting him, spending long amounts of time and money on him—it’s all pretty and fun until it goes wrong. What happens when he leaves me or we just don’t work out? I struggle trusting someone that much.
  3. I don’t really get out much. Most Friday nights, you’ll find me on a date with my bed. Sometimes I even get lucky and sleep with it. I don’t really go out a whole lot and if I do, it’s definitely not to a club. I’m simply not in the position of finding a guy to hook up with. It’s kind of hard to be a hookup chick if I’m not out with all the other hookup people.
  4. I really enjoy my freedom. The catch is that I actually like being in a committed relationship with myself. I like spending my weekends with snacks and Netflix, curled up in bed with no pants on as I watch the newest shows. A relationship means giving up those nights or at least sharing my popcorn. I just don’t think I’m ready for that step right now, and maybe I never will be.
  5. I get attached really quickly. I’m a serial monogamist. One-night stands are not in my vocabulary. Sex for me is a very emotional experience and as a result, I end up getting very attached very quickly. I wind up wanting to spend more time with the men I hook up with and building more than a physical attraction to them. Even if it’s a one-night stand, I’ll linger over him until he’s up on a pedestal in my mind. This doesn’t exactly make me hookup material.
  6. I have huge commitment issues. I come from a long line of three-month relationships. I quickly slip into attachment with men, blooming in the honeymoon phase, but the second things start to get hard or serious, I jump ship. It’s an awful habit I’ve found myself repeating. And even though I’m aware of it, I still do it. There are a million ways I rationalize it, but at the end of the day, I know it’s just because I may not be cut out for a real relationship right now.
  7. I get really clingy. I’m the queen of cling. I thrive off of attention, so I’m always texting my partner, updating him on my day, keeping him posted. Some guys find it annoying, others of similar status appreciate it. Regardless, it doesn’t exactly make for a good ‘friends with benefits’ situation when I text him good morning the next day and ask him if he got home safe every night.
  8. I need alone time to function. In a relationship, I’m prone to pushing my guy away sometimes. I need time to just be with myself. If we’ve been going out a lot, every weekend, I’m very likely to start asking that we don’t do anything on Sundays or make excuses as to why I have to stay home some nights. Guys think that I’m losing interest when really, I just want some time to be the lazy lump I am at heart.
  9. I’m pretty much a walking contradiction. I don’t like being lonely, I need alone time. I’m scared of commitment, I get attached super quickly. Sometimes it feels like I’m constantly contradicting myself, and that makes it hard to see what I want in a relationship. A part of me wants the kind of solid commitment you read about, but another part of me is young and wants to be free to hop from guy to guy for a bit. It can be infuriating for both me and the men in my life.
  10. So what am I? At the end of the day, I’m young. I’m living the prime of my life, and I don’t need to be a hookup chick or a relationship girl. I can approach each relationship with an open mind, and accept what may come. If that means I have a bunch of three-month relationships, then okay. If I meet the man of my dreams tomorrow, then I’m really lucky. If I’m single for a time, that’s fantastic. I’m just happy being me, and hopeful that one day I’ll meet someone who understands my contradictory self.