I’m Not Ignoring You, Dude — I’m Waiting To See If You’ll Make An Effort For Once

When you first start dating a guy, you kinda assume that he’ll make an effort to impress you and kinda win you over, but so many men just don’t. They seem to think that as women, we’re lucky that they’re giving us the time of day and we should just accept whatever scraps they throw our way. I’m not about that life, so if your version of showing interest is sending me “u up?” texts at midnight, you won’t get a response. And no, I’m not ignoring you — you just need to do a bit better than that.

  1. I’m not interested in hooking up. If I’m talking to you, I guarantee we didn’t meet under the premise of a quick bang and minimal interaction outside the bedroom. That means if you have my number, you should be using it to get to know me, not to see if I’m horny enough to invite you over tonight. I’m actually looking for a real relationship, so if you’re not, see ya. Ignoring you is my way of sending you that very message. Did you receive it?
  2. Even if I was interested in hooking up, you’re not getting off that easy. I’m not a prude and I’ve had my share of casual sex. While that’s not what I’m into right now, that doesn’t mean I never would be. However, you gotta meet me halfway here, dude. Do things that make a woman actually want to take her clothes off for you. “U up?” doesn’t really get me all wet and ready to go, so you’d have to go back to the drawing board if you wanted to stand a chance.
  3. I’m worth more than a two-word text. You can bet your ass I’m going to be ignoring two-word texts that a) say nothing worthwhile; b) are totally generic; and c) don’t warrant a response. If you’re feeling me, you should have a whole lot more to say than two words, especially if it’s early in the relationship. If you literally have to rack your brain to come up with conversational topics and the best you’ve got is “u up?” or “what’s up?” or any variation of the above, God help you (and me, for having entertained you for this long).
  4. You have you earn my time — it’s not a given. I feel like I need to say it louder for the men in the back. Women do not owe you a single second of our time. You have to earn it by getting over your laziness and indecision and showing us in a mature and respectful way that you’d like to get to know us better. I’m so content in my everyday life that I’m not desperate for male attention, which means if you’re not worth making room for in my life, I won’t.
  5. I’ve shown my interest, so where’s yours? Listen, I’m not some princess who’s deluded myself into believing that Prince Charming is going to show up at my door on a white horse, ready to sweep me off my feet. That vision actually kinda makes me want to gag. It’s 2022 and I’m all about making my interest clear, which is probably how we started talking in the first place. Now it’s your turn. I’ve given you the green light to turn it up and show me why you’re someone I should invest time and energy in. Now it’s on you.
  6. The ball is pretty firmly in your court. Once I let a guy know that I’m into him and make those first initial moves, the ball is then put straight into his court. I’m not about to go chasing some guy in the hopes that he’ll pretend to like me long enough to get me into bed before ghosting me. Ignoring half-assed efforts is the best thing I can do for my sanity and my self-worth, so that’s what I’ll be doing.
  7. I won’t stick around forever, you know. My patience runs very thin when pushed, so if you are into me, I wouldn’t waste too much time before doing something about it or you might reach out and find out you’ve already been blocked and I’ve moved on. I’ve got too much to do and too little time for nonsense to hang around where I’m not needed or wanted.
  8. Men need women more than the other way around. Remember that. Ignoring this fact would be silly. Don’t look at me like that — it’s science. Whereas women used to be dependent on men in pretty much every way, this ain’t the 1950s anymore and anything you can do, we can do too (and usually better). I’m alright with the idea of spending the rest of my life on my own if it means not putting up with garbage from guys. I’m actually totally at peace with that. Can you say the same?
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia