I’m Not Lonely Just Because I’m Single, So Please Stop Assuming I Am

If being single isn’t super enjoyable 24/7, being asked about my relationship status (or lack thereof) is even worse. I can’t handle fielding questions about why I haven’t met someone and what my plan is. Since guys don’t get asked if the single life fills them with loneliness, why do people have to ask me?

  1. It’s a ridiculous double standard. Thinking that single women are lonely AF and single men are having the time of their lives is pretty laughable. We’re all human and we all get sad sometimes. No big deal. It’s probably better to ignore this whole loneliness question altogether instead of asking something that is super sexist.
  2. Newsflash: dating is not that simple. If it was so easy to meet a great person that I could share my life with then I probably would have already. The truth is that sometimes going on first dates (and even third dates) has made me feel lonelier than being cool with the solo life. If I get close to a new relationship but then nothing happens, it feels even worse than not having met anyone at all. It would be pretty great if people didn’t want to remind me about that all the time.
  3. You can totally be lonely in relationships too. I’ve had friends who are desperately unhappy but have had boyfriends for years and years. I don’t ask them if their crappy relationship makes them lie awake at night and cry. There’s no reason to ask me, is there?
  4. I’m happier on my own than in a crappy situation. Sometimes being single is a result of a life circumstance—not meeting guys IRL, the fact that dating apps can be hit and miss, etc.— and other times, it’s a conscious choice. Whenever I have to walk away from a guy who isn’t making me happy or who isn’t actually boyfriend material, I tell myself that it’s better to be alone than in the worst relationship ever. And that’s the honest truth.
  5. I’ve turned down potential boyfriends. Not to sound conceited or anything, but there have been guys in the past few years who haven’t been shy about wanting to start a relationship. I had to say no for a bunch of different reasons, mostly because they just weren’t right for me. It seems kind of silly to ask me if it sucks being single when I’ve stayed this way in order to stay on track with my life and what I want.
  6. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. Sure, I don’t have a BF, but I have a lot of other great things in my life. I work for myself, I wake up excited to get productive, I’ve got a healthy lifestyle and I have a lot of people around that I love. Instead of feeling crappy that I’m still single, I would rather count my blessings, as they say.
  7. I wasn’t in the right place for a relationship before. Honestly, part of the reason I’m still on my own is that I didn’t date for years. There are so many reasons—I was dealing with some health problems, I was in grad school, I was stressed AF. Before people assume that I’m super lonely, I wish they’d realize that they’ll never know what someone is dealing with and that there’s always more to the story.
  8. I still have some legit experience. Just because I don’t have a boyfriend doesn’t mean I’ve never had one before. It also doesn’t mean that I’ve never kissed anyone, been in an almost relationship, or had my heart broken. I have done all of these things and I carry around these stories and experiences like everyone else. There’s no reason to ask me if I feel alone because I’m the one on this journey, and trust me, I’ve thought about it before.
  9. I choose not to be negative. Talking about being lonely is not a way to put a smile on my face. I would rather be positive than focus on the crappy parts of my life. And I don’t think I’m the only single girl who feels that way.
  10. You’re projecting your emotions onto me. If people assume that I’m lonely because I’m single, that probably means that they’re in relationships and that they can’t imagine being on their own. Why not? Are they using their partners so they don’t feel alone? Instead of protecting how they feel onto me, they should think about their own lives.
  11. I’m doing the right thing. Of course there are times when I question why I haven’t met the right guy and yet, for the most part, I’m confident in the journey that I’m on. If someone asks me if I hate being single, it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong… and I’m just not. I don’t want to date just any guy—I want to date the right guy. Isn’t that commendable? Would people rather I got a boyfriend tomorrow just for the sake of it?
  12. Being single isn’t actually that horrible. It just means that I’m not in a relationship. That’s literally all it means. It doesn’t mean I’m lonely. It doesn’t mean I cry on a regular basis. It doesn’t mean I’ve never been in love or that I don’t have other kinds of love in my world. So instead of asking me if I’m lonely, why don’t people ask if I’m happy? That’s a much more valid question… and it won’t make me want to yell at them.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor. She shares gluten-free, dairy-free recipes and personal stories on her food blog, ahealthystory.com. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture.