The idea of looking for love might seem hopelessly romantic, but it’s not what’s going to make me happy in the long-term. Here’s why I’ve given up chasing romance and am looking for a life partner instead. Maybe you should consider the same!
I’m not sentimental when it comes to relationships. Now that I’m in my mid-twenties, my attitude towards love and relationships has changed. While I used to be on the lookout for some super good looking hunk who’d sweep me off my feet, now I’m more interested in whether he has a stable income and is capable of calling back within two days of the first date. It may not be romantic, but it sure makes it easier to find the right guy.
The people I’ve fallen hardest for have always made terrible boyfriends. That feeling of being head over heels, can’t string a sentence together, crazy in love? Sure, it’s great… until the time when you try and actually have a relationship with the guy. The people who I’ve been crazy in love with have quite literally driven me mad over time—they’re so used to those heady first few weeks that they have no idea what it means to be in a committed relationship.
Romance is great, but it’s not what makes relationships go the distance. Sure, I love feeling wanted and getting physical affection, but all those romantic moments that people love so much at the start of a relationship aren’t what makes a partnership work long-term. I’m far more interested in whether a guy can make compromises and plan the time we’re going to spend together ahead of time than if he spontaneously arrives with flowers once in a blue moon.
The qualities that make a great life partner aren’t exactly attractive. Now that I’m looking for a life partner, my priorities have changed. The most important traits in a man are independence, adaptability, and trust—hardly the most exciting thing to put in my Tinder bio. They might not be the things that will make me fall head over heels in love, but they’re the traits that will practically guarantee me a lasting, happy relationship.
I need a commitment that’s going to last longer than looks. Looking for an attractive man and working on making myself as hot as possible seems kind of short-sighted when it comes to finding a lasting relationship. The kind of commitment I’m looking for is beyond skin-deep, so physical attraction on its own just isn’t going to cut it. I need someone who’ll want to be with me even when I can’t be bothered to blow dry my hair in the morning.
I’ll take someone I can count on over someone who makes me feel sexy. Don’t get me wrong, I think sex is an important part of any relationship, but I’m not going to waste my time looking for someone who’s into roleplay or wants to have sex at least four times a week—in all honesty, I’m too busy for that crap anyway. I’ll know I’ve found my perfect match when I’ve met someone I can depend on in a crisis, and they won’t necessarily be the best sex I’ve ever had.
Love is a feeling that develops over time. In a dating scene where most of us are meeting online, how likely is it that I’m going to fall in love at first sight? Real, deep, lasting love isn’t something that happens instantly—it develops over time alongside your relationship. I won’t sweat it if I find a guy who’s great on paper but who doesn’t have that spark. A deeper connection will develop if you let it.
Butterflies are a nice addition, not a necessity. We get so fixated on butterflies because that’s what movies tell us we should look for in love. In reality, that tells us nothing at all about whether we’re a good match for someone, just how attractive we find them. If a guy ticks all the boxes and happens to have the body of a god, then great, but it’s far more important for him to share my goals for the future than to be physically attractive.
I want to be my partner’s equal. The kind of person who’s right for me long-term is someone who’ll see me as a partner. We’ll look out for each other and take care of each other when needed, and help each other build our best life. My vision for my future might not involve flowers and sweeping gestures, but it’s much more likely to be a lasting love.
I need someone I can count on. Reliability might sound like something you’d put on your resume more than a dating profile, but for me, it’s the most important trait to look for. I’m looking for someone to share my life with and whoever that person is needs to be ready to commit. Being available emotionally and in terms of calendar space is more important to me than how much he’s willing to romance me.
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