After What You Did, I’m Not Okay… But I Know I Will Be

Even when you’re ending things with someone you know was bad for you, breakups can be some of the most heart-wrenching events a person can experience. When I forced myself to tear myself apart from you after finding out you’d betrayed my trust in the worst way possible, I felt like I was being torn apart from the inside out. But even though I’m an emotional wreck right now, this is why I’m confident that this pain won’t last forever:

  1. I’ve been through worse. I’d be lying if I said I was totally fine, but this is hardly the worst pain I’ve been through as a result of love. I’ve had my trust betrayed by guys who meant far more to me than you did, and after surviving that, coming out on the other side of this mess is nothing.
  2. I know how to handle this. When you go through this crap enough, you learn to develop a step-by-step plan for getting over it. I know that I’m going to take time to be upset, probably entertain a few unhealthy coping mechanisms, face my pain head-on like I should’ve from the start, then wake up one day wondering why I ever even cared about you in the first place. It may not be the best way to handle things, but it hasn’t failed me so far.
  3. I’m going to allow myself to hurt. Trying to plaster a smile on my face through the pain is just going to put off the inevitable. Some women can bury their heartache when someone does them wrong, but that’s never been my style. I’m going to let my emotions take hold of me at least for a little while. It’s going to leave me a little raw at first, but I know if I process everything the way I should, I’ll be on the path to healing a lot quicker.
  4. Lying about how I feel won’t do me any good. I’m lucky to have friends who’d never believe me if I told them I was A-okay after such a tough end to our relationship, so it makes things a lot easier on me if I just tell them from the get-go that I’m really not feeling my best. They know that I won’t spend the rest of my life drowning in self-pity, so they’re more than happy to provide a shoulder to cry on during the time it takes me to get over you.
  5. I’m stronger than my struggles. When life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into life’s eyeballs. Or something like that. I know that no matter how tough things get, I’m always going to be tougher. Your lies and manipulation may have knocked me down, but there’s never been a doubt in my mind that I’ll be able to make it back to my feet.
  6. You’re worth heartache, but not heartbreak. For a while, you really were the guy of my dreams. It would be irrational to hope to be over you instantly. But I know that no matter how long it takes, I WILL get over you. Our relationship was great while it lasted, but its end isn’t going to be the end of me. I’m going to take the time I need to process things, then hold my head high as I move on and create my own happiness.
  7. I know this will help me grow. Even in my darkest moments, I look forward to learning something from my struggles. I may have missed a lot of signs that might have suggested that you weren’t the man I thought you were, but now that you’ve torn the rose-colored glasses right off my face, I’m going to be able to see a lot more clearly when I meet someone new. Acknowledging this as a learning experience will help me move past you a lot faster than asking myself “why?”
  8. I’m an incurable optimist. I’m the obnoxious type of person who looks for a rainbow in the middle of a rainstorm. Even though I’m at a pretty low point right now, I’m going to stay afloat by looking for the good things about our breakup. Right now, the only one I can think of is that I’m free from your lying ass, but hey, it’s a start, right?
  9. I’ll find someone who will make it all worth it. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, but I do believe that one of these days, I’m going to find a man who’s going to heal the damage that you and my other exes did to me. He’s going to make me wonder why I was ever so upset about losing you in the first place when a guy like him was out there waiting for me to meet him. It might be tomorrow or it might be a decade from now, but either way, I refuse to despair forever over someone like you when someone like him is going to enter my life one day.
  10. My moments of weakness don’t make me a weak person. Even the strongest of us fall down sometimes, and I’m certainly not immune to stumbling. I may look and feel a bit pitiful right now, but that doesn’t mean that it’s who I am all the time. I’m a tough woman, but I’m allowed to break down when I’m hurt. What truly defines how powerful I am is my ability to get back up. And make no mistake — I’m already on my way there.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.