I’m Not Playing Hard To Get—I AM Hard To Get Because I Have Standards

I often hear that I’m intimidating or that I play hard to get. A lot of guys don’t seem to know how to approach me, so they ask my friends for tips and shortcuts on how to get with me. The truth is very simple—I’m not playing hard to get, I AM hard to get because I have clear standards. There’s no way around it.

  1. I want to be with someone who’s not miserable at his job. I absolutely hate men who complain about their professional life. No one’s keeping them chained to a desk—that’s pathetic. I may seem hard to get, but I’ve dealt with so much crap to get to where I want to be in life professionally that I just want someone who understands me and has the same work ethic and ambition.
  2. He has to be fit. I don’t particularly care if he has a six-pack but he does have to be in a good shape. The reason is simple—I want someone who’s smart enough to care about his health. If he can’t take decent care of his body, how can I expect him to manage the other aspects of his life well? I want a mature guy who doesn’t spend Sundays drinking beer and eating pizza on the couch. This type of guy will always think that I’m hard to get and for them, I’ll be unobtainable.
  3. Living with his parents is a huge turn-off. I used to think that there wasn’t even a reason for me to ask this question until I ran into half a dozen guys who still live with their moms and dads in their 30s. I don’t want him to sneak me into his house while his parents are asleep. Being quiet so we don’t get caught having sex is so high school. I need a man who’s got his life together and can manage to live on his own like an adult.
  4. He has to be confident and not give a damn about public opinion. Insecure guys always find me hard to get and I can’t blame them. I’m difficult because I’m confident in myself and don’t care about what anyone else thinks. Knowing my strengths and weaknesses, I’m fully aware of my worth. I want a guy who thinks the same way. If he’s embarrassed to dance with me in public, I’m leaving.
  5. He has to be a go-getter. Guys who have clear goals and know how to get what they want will always have a chance with me. They won’t find me hard to get because they know that good things don’t come easy. Even if he’s not my type, per se, if he takes the time to get to know me and comes at me with confidence, I’ll go out with him.
  6. He has to be successful. He has to have a goal and work hard for it. I can’t tolerate lazy men. Added bonus if he’s rich since I don’t intend to be his sugar mama. The confidence of successful men is extremely sexy. It doesn’t matter if he’s working for himself or for someone else as long as he’s accomplished.
  7. I want a man who doesn’t play mind games. Playing mind games is often what guys resort to when trying to get you in bed. I’ve met guys who have admitted that they didn’t call for three days just because that was “the rule.” Newsflash: these are BS rules. I want a man who’s straightforward. Life’s too short to waste on stupid games. Yes, I’m hard to get, but it’s a hell of a lot easier if you’re being genuine.
  8. I need someone passionate and focused, not a bohemian. He has to have his feet on the ground and his head in the game. Dating bohemians who are always “head in the clouds” spontaneous and creative may seem sexy but it actually sucks. I once went out with someone who was so into his art, he went totally broke and even became homeless. I need someone who can have his passions but take care of himself too.
  9. If he still drinks too much and dabbles with recreational drugs, he’s out. Drinking ’til early morning and getting high is so college. I need a man who likes a good party but knows how to grind hard. I go for men who are driven and focused on their projects. Wasting days at a time stumbling hungover on the street is disgusting.
  10. I need him to let his guard down and be 100 percent honest with me. I’m not a mind reader. The man I date has to be honest and not afraid to be vulnerable at times. Honesty is a standard I’m not willing to let go which makes me hard to date. Guys who like to play tough and think that they’re too “manly” to talk about their feelings are on my no-no list.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.