I’m Not Into Vibes—I Need To Know Someone Wants Me For Sure

I feel like I’m pretty good at sensing vibes, but that’s not enough for me to know that a guy’s into me for sure. I need to hear those words: “I like you. I’m interested in you. I want you.” If he can’t manage that, it’s just not going to happen.

I’m not a mind reader.

You know how some guys will tell you how much they were “vibing” with you for months… right after you decide to date another guy because he wasn’t acting like he was interested? I hate that crap. I don’t have time to sit around figuring out whether or not a guy is interested in me through context clues and body language. We’re all adults. If he wants to be with me, he should use his big boy words and say that. It’s really not that hard.

What’s hotter than a guy who’s confident enough to take ownership of his feelings?

 There’s something really sexy about a man who knows who and what he wants in his life. He’s not afraid to let you know how he feels about me, which gives me the advantage of taking the relationship to the next level if that’s what I want to do.

He’s more likely to put in the effort it takes to win me.

 Some women get offended by the thought of a man “winning” them, but I want to be with someone who knows I’m worth the effort. If I’m going to invest my time and energy in him, he should see it as a privilege (and the same works in reverse). The guy who’s upfront about going after what he wants is much more likely to really work to get and keep me.

I want someone who’s willing to chase me a little.

 Not only should he be upfront about his feelings, he should be willing to put his money where his mouth is if I play a little hard to get. I know we’re not children and I’m really not down with dating games, but I also don’t want to fall for any guy who pays me the slightest bit of attention. If he knows what he wants and is certain that’s me, I don’t want him to be put off if I don’t immediately fall all over him in return.

If he makes a move, he’s less likely to lead me on.

As a disclaimer, I’m definitely not saying that all men who make sure you know they’re into you won’t be a waste of time, but it’s definitely less likely. In my experience, this kind of guy usually does a great job of reassuring me that he’s all about trying to pursue me and isn’t going to back down if things get real with us. Because of this, his actions really do speak louder than his words, and it feels amazing.

I need to know his honest intentions from day one.

While there are a lot of guys who use the fact that they “can’t express their emotions well” as an excuse to play games and not commit, there are some who really do have a hard time opening up. If I feel like the action is there but he hasn’t quite said the words I need to hear as well, I just ask him straight up what’s going on because I deserve clarity. He might not be the type to come right out and ask me for commitment, but when I ask him where things are going, I expect to hear the truth.

I can’t date someone who won’t make me a priority.

It takes time to pursue someone, court them, and build a real relationship. We can’t coast on vibes—it takes a dude who’s upfront about his feelings that will help move things forward. He’ll take me on dates, call me, be present in my life and allow me into his. All of those things are necessary for a great relationship.

I prefer a stress-free life.

Since I refuse to guess at where I stand with a guy, my life is a lot less stressful than it used to be. Instead of worrying about whether he likes me or wants to be with me or when he’ll text me back, I embrace my confidence and let him know where I stand. If he reciprocates, we’re onto something. If he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.

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