I’m Not Your Yo-Yo — If You Want To Be With Me, Be Consistent

Of all the stupid dating games guys play to mess with our heads, one of the worst is the “yo-yo” technique. They act like they’re head-over-heels for us one day, completely disinterested the next day, and then back to blowing up our phones the day after. You’d think that this game would be too stupid to be prevalent in the dating world, and yet, I see it all the freaking time. If you think that this roller coaster of highs and lows is going to work with me, though, this is why you’re better off finding someone with lower standards:

  1. I need consistency in my life. Either you’re in, or you’re out. You don’t get to be that guy who texts me all the time when it’s convenient for you, then drops off the face of the Earth when you decide you’re actually terrified of feelings. I don’t care if you decide you’re not ready to get serious with me, but begging for me to come back when you realized you messed up isn’t gonna work.
  2. I’d rather be single than be treated like a plaything. If you expect me to stick around just because you’re giving me something that vaguely resembles a relationship, you’re in desperate need of a reality check. Being single isn’t always the best, but it’s infinitely better than being involved with someone who thinks he has any right to push me away and pull me back in whenever he wants.
  3. If this is your way of making me more attached to you, it’s not going to work. Some guys like to do this as some sort of a power play or to make women want them more by giving them a “tease” of what a relationship with them could feel like. If you try that with me, you’ll soon find out I’m much better at this game than you are. Pushing me away isn’t going to make me want you more — it’s just going to give me a head start on walking away from you forever.
  4. I don’t deal with guys who mess with my emotions. I’ll admit that I used to stick around with men who treated me like I was disposable, but those days are long gone. Now, I’m older, wiser, and have a much lower tolerance for BS like this. The second you start going between hot and cold with me, I’m booting you out of my life.
  5. If you push me away, I’m not going to beg for you to pull me back. I know that’s what you’re hoping for. All those times when you try to distance yourself right before chatting me up again like nothing was ever wrong are your way of getting me to boost your ego. You’re hoping that I’ll be the one to blow up your phone and make you feel like I ~need~ you right before you so graciously agree to get things back on track with us. Sorry, bro — all that’s going to do is inspire me to call you out on being a douche.
  6. I’m too old for this crap. Am I really — REALLY — in my mid-twenties and dealing with someone who hasn’t mastered basic human interaction? I can accept that I still have a few more asswipes to come across before I find someone worthwhile, but the yo-yo treatment is so immature, I can’t believe there are still guys out there who think it’s even remotely okay.
  7. I’m a human being, not a toy. You can’t just put me away and take me out whenever you feel like it. If you’re the kind of guy who thinks you can treat me like an object you can just ignore when you get bored with it, you’re laughably wrong.
  8. I refuse to date a guy who can’t figure out if he wants me or not. I’m not going to sit plucking petals off a daisy going, “He’ll text me, he’ll text me not.” If you’re not sure whether you want to keep me close or at a distance, I’ll be happy to make it easier for you by leaving your indecisive ass and finding someone who realizes what a catch I am.
  9. I deserve a man who always wants me around. I’m not perfect, but I have enough good qualities to be treated like a priority instead of an option. If you think I wouldn’t be able to find anyone better than you, I’d be more than happy to prove you wrong.
  10. I expect this stuff from a teenager, not a grown man. If we were fifteen, you’d definitely be able to get away with this if we were dating. But nope, we’re adults now, sunshine. We have to make adult decisions like whether we want to date someone for real or let them go to find someone who WILL treat them right. If you’re playing these games with me, I know right off the bat that it’s only one example of how immature you are.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.