I’m Proud Of Being A High-Maintenance Girlfriend — Here’s Why

There are some women who feel like they have to hide their actual feelings or disguise the real reality behind some of their actions in order to make sure their partners don’t think they’re “too much.” That sucks for them! I’m actually proud of being a high-maintenance girlfriend and would never feel ashamed to admit it. Here’s why I think every woman, whether already a girlfriend or still single, could do with being a bit more high-maintenance.

  1. I know what I want. It’s as simple as that really. There’s no reason to waste my short time on earth pretending not to feel the things I feel. How do I stand to gain from that? So what if people see me living my truth! I shouldn’t have to pretend that I don’t know what I want when I gained that information after years of experimentation and making mistakes. I’ve earned that confidence, which is why I’m so proud of being labeled a high-maintenance girlfriend.
  2. I get what I want. A natural result of knowing what I want is getting what I want. It sounds simple and it is. As a high-maintenance girlfriend, I know the value of my own time and my partner’s. That’s why I have strict standards. It might seem strange to other people, but you can’t argue with the results.
  3. I improve the people around me. I have lots of knowledge over time, and I’m ready and willing to pass it on. It’s great showing my partner how they can grow and experience that process together. It’s not my job to ‘fix’ people, but I do like getting them out of their comfort zone and ready to face the world and be better equipped to support each other.
  4. I want ambitious partners. I will never be one of those people that sit smugly on the sidelines, content enough in my own superiority, and happy to watch the people around me struggle. I may be a high-maintenance girlfriend on the surface, but I have everyone’s interests at heart. I want partners who will challenge me and push me. I want to help them do that.
  5. We can both grow together as individuals. It’s so important to recognize that there are three components to a good relationship: the couple, and the people as separate units. I’m a high-maintenance girlfriend, but that isn’t necessarily the same as being co-dependent. Distance is healthy, but I will demand clear boundaries and timings so that we can get on with our separate and shared goals.
  6. I want to develop a relationship. If someone had a less hands-on approach to their relationship, I would worry that it would stagnate. Without someone constantly putting the effort in and showing their partner how to support them, there’s no way to keep it constantly growing and adding value to their lives. That’s what is most important: keeping the relationship enriching and organic.
  1. My time is valuable. So is yours, and one of us has to respect that. Relationships don’t succeed just because people spend every second together. Nor does it work when you become so comfortable with each other that you constantly cancel or prioritize other things. You have to manage time, and that’s why I’m proud of being a high-maintenance girlfriend in order to safeguard my own time.
  2. I’ve been burned before. People who haven’t had the experience of being burned by a relationship before probably won’t understand why it’s so important that I have agency in my current relationship. I will always need to know where the line in the sand is in my relationships because it helps me understand their feelings and be a better girlfriend.
  3. High-maintenance girlfriend = high levels of love. You don’t have to do too much math here to figure out what I mean. If I have written out a list of rules and things that are important to me and you in our relationship, it’s because I want to be better to serve you. I want us to learn about each other. We’re in a relationship, surely that’s the goal anyway? Go into relationships unafraid of what you might find out about them, or yourself.
  4. If I cared less, I wouldn’t bother. I think it’s a huge red flag in relationships when neither person can’t be bothered to dress up or organize a proper date night. If Netflix and Chill is your limit, then that relationship is over. Or, worse, it’ll stay there forever, which is in no one’s interest.
  5. I’m not going to change for another person. I’ll compromise, for sure. But I’m not about to compromise my personal principles just to appear like I’m more relaxed in the relationship. No. It’s important to me and I won’t hide that. I claim all that I am and if you want a softened version of me, then you don’t want me.
  6. It energizes me to feel organized. I want to know my schedule, and then I know what capacity I have for socialization, or whether I have deadlines this week, and then I can take space. Or, I can identify whether I want to hang out with friends. That makes me feel in control and better able to digest the world around me. It’s the way I cope.
  7. I won’t sacrifice my must-haves. If I feel like a person’s afterthought or second-guess, that’s game over. He should know that if he’s on his phone or being shady, it’s not okay. There’s nothing to be gained from pretending to be mysterious. Love isn’t a game; it’s two people’s life. If being a high-maintenance girlfriend means that I respect that and make sure my needs get met, then so be it.
Hannah has a Masters degree in Romantic and Victorian literature in Scotland and spends her spare time writing anything from essays to short fiction about the life and times of the frogs in her local pond! She loves musical theatre, football, anything with potatoes, and remains a firm believer that most of the problems in this world can be solved by dancing around the kitchen to ABBA. You can find her on Instagram at @_hannahvic.