I’m Proud Of My Partner’s Fitness Journey But It’s Also Seriously Pissing Me Off

When my partner decided to take his health and fitness seriously, I embraced it with open arms. However, given his obsessive nature, his journey has gotten a bit extreme and it’s affecting the harmony in our relationship. I try to be supportive as much as I can, but he’s turned into a bit of a monster…

1. He’s at the gym two times a day without fail. He swims in the mornings and does his two-hour workouts when he’s off work. He trains for the marathon at least 15 or 20 hours a week as well. I use our hours away from each other for my “me time,” so it’s not all bad, but I really wish he didn’t have to be training every day. We hardly hang out anymore and there are times when I could really use him around the house for errands or chores. He dozes off to sleep when we try to watch a movie together. He goes to bed early so he can wake up early for the gym. I kidded once he could burn energy with sex but he didn’t find that amusing.
2. There’s fitness-related clutter all around the house. There’s fitness equipment parked in our living room that takes up so much space and it seriously ruins the effort I’ve made to decorate the house. I find his dumbbells in the kitchen, next to the dishes. Our garage has stacks of empty containers of protein drinks. He says he’ll get around to putting those in the recycling bin but he very rarely does…
3. He follows a special diet that makes eating meals together impossible. My partner has sworn off foods rich in sugar and carbohydrates, which makes preparing food for him so much more challenging, especially since I don’t have great cooking skills to begin with. We can’t split a meal in the few times that we actually eat out, and we can’t just eat out anywhere we chose because “the food at that restaurant isn’t healthy.” We also have to get separate takeout or delivery orders, which says a lot about the state of our relationship.
4. He won’t shut up about clean eating. He talks about his healthy diet like it’s his religion, which makes expressing my annoyance with it harder because a healthy diet is supposed to be the best thing for our bodies, right? How can I argue with that? One time, I was able to convince him to indulge in a cheat day. Our gluttonous feast, however, didn’t end up satiating us. When he got on a scale to check his weight, he was mortified that he put on some water weight and that filled me with so much guilt.
5. He spends a lot of money on fitness. Who knew getting fit would be so expensive? He has amassed quite a collection of shoes and training/racing clothes, as well as accessories to use for fitness events. Signing up for the marathon also isn’t cheap. Then there are the monthly gym membership fees and sometimes he pays for a coach or personal trainer. Fitness foods also cost more than junk food. It drives me nuts just thinking about all the expenses.
6. He has “gym buddies” and I don’t really know them. Well, sure, once in a while we’d run into someone he’d introduce as a friend from the gym, but I don’t really know much about who these people are. I only know that he has a social life at the gym that excludes me. He has a chat group with his gym buddies and there are a lot of inside jokes I just can’t relate to when he shares some of their conversations with me. I feel left out of this other life he really loves.
7. I compete with his Fitbit obsession. He’s always strapped to this thing that tracks every activity. While I’m happy to see him thrilled about hitting 10,000 steps a day, I can’t help but feel miffed that he has to announce his accomplishments each time. It’s triggered my competitive side because I’ve started wondering whether I’m walking 10,000 steps or drinking 12 glasses of water every day too. Do I need to buy a Fitbit?
8. His weight loss has made me slightly embarrassed about myself. Admittedly, his fitness efforts have really paid off because he looks a lot better than before, but now I’m quite embarrassed to be out with him. I’m not heavy but I know I look like someone who doesn’t exercise because I have a pudgy waist and my arms are getting flabby. I feel like people judge us together. The thought makes me miserable, to be honest.
9. He can’t understand why I’m not a fitness nut like him. We started this fitness journey together but when he began setting a higher standard for himself, I couldn’t keep up with the pace. When he saw that I wasn’t keeping up with his new fitness goals, he started to view me as unmotivated and weak. I could sense him looking down on me so I just gave up doing my routines altogether.
10. Diet and exercise became the substitute for the actual problems in our relationship. The reality is, we’ve lost touch. We don’t share the same passion. We’re not on the same page. And as he keeps working out, I’m figuring out how we’re going to work out this stuff that could be wrecking our life altogether.