I’m Sick Of Pretending I’m OK With Casual Relationships

Have you ever been kind of dating a guy but not really, in a constant state of limbo, desperately trying to appear as though you cared less than he did? It’s exhausting. Why is it so bad to actually admit you want something more than an occasional hook-up and wondering if this time will be the last time you hear from him? I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m sick of pretending I’m satisfied with keeping it casual.

  1. I’d rather just be single than in an almost relationship. While some almost relationships are a stepping stone to making it official, others are no more than a placeholder until one of you finds something better. That constant uncertainty might be perfect fine for some, but personally I’d rather just be single AF than waste my time with a guy who just wants to get laid every once in awhile.
  2. I don’t like waiting around for a guy to have time for me. I like to think I’m pretty low maintenance and generally don’t need a lot of attention. I’m not asking for a serious relationship immediately, but it would be nice to feel like a guy actually wants to hang out with me and I’m not just a last resort on the rare Saturday that his friends are all occupied.
  3. I don’t enjoy casual sex. Hook up culture has us all singing the praises of casual sex and sleeping with whoever we want, whenever we want. That’s all perfectly fine, but what about those of us who have come to the conclusion that sex with someone we don’t really give a crap about is never that good? If you need to be comfortable with someone before you even have a chance at a decent orgasm, the whole casual relationship thing isn’t going to be that appealing.
  4. Ghosting paranoia is a thing. Ghosting is so prevalent these days that even after the best date you’ve ever had, there’s still a pretty high probability that you’ll never see each other again. With casual relationships the threat of a potential ghosting is even more present. You haven’t invested anything real in each other so it’s way too easy to just disappear into thin air never to be heard from again.
  5. I don’t want to be ashamed of wanting a relationship. For some reason, actually looking for a relationship has become incredibly uncool. Everyone is all “whatever happens, happens” even when they have an active profile on a dating site. I get it — you can’t control when you meet the right person, so there’s no point in obsessing over it. But I also don’t want to be afraid I’ll scare a guy away just by telling him I’m ultimately looking for a relationship.
  6. Why should I settle for less than I deserve? Sometimes I think a casual relationship would be better than nothing at all, but the reality is, I’d still be settling. There were definitely times in my life when I was perfectly happy with keeping it casual, but that’s just not the case anymore, and I’m not going to pretend it is.
  7. I end up getting preoccupied with protecting myself. A casual relationship is supposed to be easy, right? I’m not supposed to worry about catching feelings and getting hurt. To do that, I would have to literally not give a single crap about the guy I’m sleeping with, because that’s the only way to protect myself. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at controlling my feelings like that, so staying unattached would end up being more work than actually letting myself like the guy.
  8. Guys will always take what they can get. Guys seems to have it a lot easier when it comes to keeping things casual. If they can still get sex and maybe the occasional date without the pressure of committing, they’re going to jump at the chance. That doesn’t mean he’s actually genuinely interested in you– and that can get confusing for girls who have a hard time separating sex from real intimacy.
  9. I don’t want casual relationships to be the norm. If I train myself to be okay with and actually prefer casual relationships then how am I going to be sure in the future when something has potential to be more? I don’t want to desensitize myself to having actual feelings because undoing that damage later might not be easy.
  10. Starting slow is fine, but I want more than a hookup buddy. By no means do I want to rush into a serious relationship the second a meet a guy I like. I prefer to take things slow — but I also like to be somewhat confident that it’s going somewhere. Obviously nothing is guaranteed, but as long as the right intentions are there, I’m happy.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, Complex.ca and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo