I’m Single By Choice, Not Because I Can’t Get A Boyfriend

I’m not undateable, I’m not miserable, and I’m sure as hell not lonely. Why is it so hard for people to understand that I’m perfectly happy just being on my own?

  1. I’m so over people looking at me like I need help. No, thank you, I don’t need you to feel sorry for me or tell me that you’re sure I’ll find someone eventually. I haven’t found anyone yet because I’m not actually looking for anyone right now. It’s OK, I’m cool with it. You should be cool with it too. The last thing I want is for people to think I’m sad and lonely. I’m not.
  2. It’s possible to be happy on your own. Radical thinking, I know, but I can assure you that it’s true. And you know what? People can also be unhappy even in a relationship. At the moment I’m actually perfectly happy and content and I don’t feel like anything is missing from my life. Anyone who tells you that you need another person to be happy is trying to sell you something. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on being single forever, but I reserve my right to be single when I want.
  3. I want my own space to work on my own stuff. Is it so bad to want the time and space to focus on myself? I’m building a career, I’m developing new skills, I’m processing—I’m doing my own thing without having to adapt myself and my life to someone else’s demands and requirements. If you think that’s such a sad, lonely existence, you should try it sometime.
  4. Being in a relationship isn’t the most important thing in my life—deal with it. There, I’ve said it. There is more to me than the part that relates to another person in a romantic partnership. I am busy with other things and they are the ones I care most about right now. We’re talking life goals here. Ending up with a great boyfriend is just one of my many life goals and it can wait.
  5. No, there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t get why people find it so impossible to imagine a woman can be happy and content on her own. The way some people react when you tell them you’re single really gets on my nerves. It’s like they’re searching for some sort of obvious flaw in you to explain why you’re alone. My favorite one is when people tell me I haven’t found a boyfriend yet because I’m “too comfortable being single”. They then try to convince me to go on dates anyway because “being on your own is not good”.  I’m not flawed, broken or damaged, thanks. I just don’t want a boyfriend right now!
  6. Guys are literally everywhere. Online dating is a thing, Tinder exists, guys do actually come up to me pretty much everywhere. If I wanted to date any of them, I’d go for it. I’m not a nun, either. It’s not that I find the concept of being with a guy so unpalatable. I’ve just made a conscious choice not to pursue relationships at the moment.
  7. There’s no wrong relationship status. It’s OK to be in a relationship if that’s what you want and it’s also OK to be single. Both have pros and cons and it’s up to you to choose what’s right for you at any given point in your life. I’m well aware of the advantages of being in a relationship, but I’m also aware of the advantages of being on my own. At the moment, being on my own is the most suitable option for me. Please don’t tell me I’m incapable of deciding what’s best for me.
  8. I’m relishing my freedom. I can make plans with my BFFs whenever I want, I can take off on holiday on my own and explore exactly the things I want to see, I can spend every evening doing exactly what I want to do and yeah, if I want to I can pull up Tinder and find myself a hook up whenever I want. This is awesome. The fact that some people think I deserve pity for this is quite astounding.
  9. I love not having to deal with someone else’s drama for once. Call me selfish, but having been in relationships for most of my life up until now, I actually find being on my own quite refreshing. Dealing with other people’s issues is hard work sometimes and every good relationship involves work at least some of the time. I love being only responsible for my own emotions for a change.
  10. Being able to be my first priority is pretty great. I think every girl should have at least one period in her life when she’s totally dedicated to herself and where she wants to be. Being in a relationship is about compromise, but how are you going to know what’s really important to you if you’ve never had a chance to define it? The only way to know what you’re not willing to compromise is to define it for yourself before you start involving someone else in your plans.
  11. When I’m ready to date again, I’ll find my own guy, thanks. Please don’t try to set me up with your desperate loser friends and relatives. If I want your help, I’ll ask for it. There’s nothing more demeaning than having to smile awkwardly while someone scrolls through bad photos of their cousin on their phone to try and get you to agree to a blind date. You may find it hard to believe, but I’m actually perfectly happy.
Writer, artist, intrepid traveler and lover of cats, cheese and techno music. Preferably not all at the same time.