As the days, months, and years go by, I’m less and less certain that I’m going to find the right partner someday. Yes, I’m learning to love myself in the meantime and I know I don’t need a man to be fulfilled. At the same time, I do want one—and here’s why I’m worried:
- I’m not getting any younger. It sounds bleak but it’s the truth. I’m in my early 30s with no sign of a significant relationship happening in my life anytime soon. Every time I think I might have found a promising partner, I’m wrong. I don’t know that I ever will or that anything I begin will work out long-term.
- I’m just now figuring out what I want. I have a lot of issues that I’m just now working through. Better late than never, but that also means I wasted a lot of my 20s in relationships that were never going to be right for me. I didn’t even know what I needed or wanted. I didn’t know how to function healthily. I’m getting better but I’m still not sure I’m capable of having a functional relationship.
- I rarely make real, honest, exciting connections with men. It takes me a long time to find a guy who I feel that special spark with, someone who really makes me look forward to being with him. Quite frankly, most men bore me. I need more than the typical everyday guy and I don’t want to settle. I’m very particular and I’m not meeting any men who excite my interest.
- Most guys don’t want to commit. This world I’m dating in has a very real problem—the men who are available seem to be so because they can’t commit to a woman, or at least can’t do so for very long. They’re serial daters and they just want to “hang out.” I may not want a traditional life or relationship but I still want a committed, monogamous, happy one.
- The rest of the men want to settle down and have families. The men who are down to commit seem to all want to wife up and start a family, stat. Because I fall in the middle of these two groups—I want a long-term, committed partnership in my life but I don’t want a family—I’m having a very difficult time finding men who want the same. It’s simply not as large of a demographic. We’re rare.
- I know I need something very specific and I’m afraid I won’t find it. I’m not afraid to say the truth—I need a unicorn. I now have a very clear idea of what I want and I know those guys aren’t a dime a dozen. Neither am I. I know my worth and I know what I want but that doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily find it. I’m tired of people assuring me otherwise when the truth is that not everyone does find that one special person.
- Every time I think it might happen, I’m wrong. I try not to get my hopes up. I try to be realistic. Then I meet someone, spend some time with him, get a little excited… and every time, I’m let down. I don’t want to be jaded and cynical but I’m tired of feeling hurt. I’m tired of missing people who probably don’t even care. I’m tired of feeling stupid and naive and foolish.
- I’ve wasted a lot of time with the wrong guys. I don’t want to think of it as time wasted because I suppose that I’ve learned something from my mistakes. At the same time, I really wish I’d spent that time single and focusing on myself. Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to face my demons. That’s just the way it is and that fact doesn’t change depending on how I wish life had played out.
- I have a hard time believing I can truly find what I want. I try to have faith, feel good about myself and know that I shouldn’t lower my standards. It just gets tough when no one ever meets them. I start to second-guess myself. Am I demanding too much? Is my ideal man a dream who doesn’t exist in real life? It’s so hard to keep my head high and believe that he’s out there somewhere.
- I know that no one is guaranteed love. Don’t get me wrong—I know I’m incredibly lucky to have the love of friends and family. A lot of people don’t even get that. I’m grateful for the ability to spread and receive love. Still, no matter how full my heart is with love from other places, I do want a romantic partner. It would be really nice to have that in my life. Because I understand that it’s a gift and not a guarantee, I’m not sure I’ll ever get him.
- I worry that I’ll never find love and think about settling. I hear silly sayings all the time like “the man who wants you will come and get you” and “what you are looking for is also looking for you.” Sounds nice but I don’t think they’re very realistic. Certainly no one is coming to “get” me and whoever is looking for me must not be trying very hard! I have moments of weakness where I envision a forever single life and contemplate just taking the next best guy who comes along.
- I’m not even sure I’ll recognize love when I see it. I’ve been choosing partners so poorly my entire life that I don’t even trust myself to see what I want if he’s right in front of my face. I might have no idea how to pick the right man, seriously. I doubt my decision-making abilities in that realm so much at this point that I’d rather abstain from dating altogether than keep messing up.
