I’m Starting To Want To Settle Because I Feel Lonely

After spending so much time alone, I’m starting to wonder what it would be like to just settle for someone, lower my standards a bit and let love in whether it’s worthy of me or not. I know this isn’t a brilliant idea but it’s hard to think clearly when I feel super lonely.

  1. Loneliness sucks. Being lonely is an ache that I’m not very fond of—especially when it lasts a while. After I’m alone for some time, the classic tape starts to play in my mind about how there’s something wrong with me. I know it’s lying but I can’t help but listen to it sometimes. Friends help quell the loneliness temporarily, but it’s just not the same. Loneliness isn’t my favorite thing to feel and being single really brings it on.
  2. I’ve been dating for a long time to no avail. I’ve been in the dating game for quite a while, trying to find something serious. It’s been exhausting to go through all of the people I have and not find any matches. Even though a lot of the outcome is out of my control, I still feel like I’m failing at dating because I haven’t found someone who’s a good fit. I know my story isn’t over yet, but this makes me want to settle.
  3. All I want is a partner. I know I may be a cliched hopeless romantic, but all I want is a nice person to be my companion. I’m looking for love, but I’ve yet to find it. This doesn’t stop me from continuing to try. The fact that I haven’t been successful yet makes me want to settle for any kind of love at all that I might be able to find, as long as they want to be my partner. I know this isn’t a great idea but I’m thinking about it.
  4. I’m at the point where I feel some company is better than none. I’m starting to feel like I could drop some of the things that I’d normally question about a person. Not necessarily my dealbreakers, but some of the smaller aspects that I may usually hesitate to proceed with. I don’t know if this is a reasonable thing to do when the way I’ve been dating hasn’t worked or if I’m just settling. I guess I’ll find out.
  5. I’m burnt out from dating and just want to be done. I’ve been through the dating ringer and how I’ve been doing things hasn’t been working. They’ve just left me burnt out and jaded AF. With such low reserves in my dating energy tank, I’m taking a different approach and being less picky. All I want is to be done with the game and settled into a nice relationship. My tunnel vision may bite me in the ass, but we’ll see.
  6. I think this is a natural feeling. I’m not going to beat myself up about these thoughts and feelings that I’m having about loneliness and relationships. I don’t think it’s totally abnormal to want to throw my hands in the air and say I’m going to just find someone who can love me and I’m going to drop some of the crazy expectations that I have. Sometimes it’s not the best idea, but it doesn’t mean that I’m crazy or broken for having these thoughts.
  7. Relationships aren’t the most important, but they’re still important. It’s easy for an outsider to think, “Oh my God, just get over it and enjoy being single.” Who says I’m not doing that, too? It’s just that it’s natural to also want to have a partner. It’s a human desire. It may not be the most important thing in the world, but there’s still a lot of value in desiring companionship. I’m mostly okay with my yearnings.
  8. I sometimes wonder if my standards are too high. I say that I’m settling, but I’m still sticking hard and fast to my deal breakers. I’m not letting red flags pass me by—I’m sticking to the standards that are really important to me. What I am compromising on are the more gray area things… aspects that I’d rather were different, but aren’t total dealbreakers. I think that in the past, I’ve been asking for too much, so we’ll see where this method takes me.
  9. If I do end up settling, I don’t think I’d last long. If settling was what happened, I think I’d feel it in my gut. I have a strong connection to my intuition that often tells me when something isn’t quite right. I haven’t had that tug in my belly yet telling me that lowering my standards a bit is wrong. It hasn’t told me that I’m settling yet, so maybe I’m not… or maybe I’m fooling myself. Only time will tell.
  10. My time will come. Regardless of all of this madness and confusion, eventually I’ll find someone who’s right for me. I have the self-awareness and willingness to evolve. Most of the time I’m patient with the process and I have a sense of humor about it all. There’s no way that I’m going to be alone forever. I will eventually find love. In the meantime, I’ll keep battling about settling or not.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.