I’m A Strong, Independent Woman — But I Still Want The Guy To Make The First Move

I’m A Strong, Independent Woman — But I Still Want The Guy To Make The First Move ©iStock/vitapix

I’m a strong, independent woman and that means I’m complex and hard to figure out — especially for guys. I totally get why it might seem like I want to be in control when it comes to dating, but that’s actually not the case at all. In fact, I’d prefer that guys make the first move. Why is that so hard to believe?

  1. Guys assume I want to be the initiator. So untrue. If anything, it’s the opposite. I want someone who can take my strong self and up his game because he realizes I need more from a man. Every woman likes to be pursued, as long as it isn’t creepy or stalkerish. It’s flattering and it makes me feel wanted. Step it up and ask for my number!
  2. I still want a gentleman. I can be independent and also want a guy to have good manners. The two are not mutually exclusive, so don’t give me crap about how this is old-fashioned. Pull out my chair. Open my car door. Ask me on dates. Show me that you think I’m special. This isn’t misogyny; it’s just treating me with affection and consideration. We both know I can do it myself, but I want him to want to do it.
  3. It’s a turn-on when a guy stands up to me. One of the most annoying things about being a badass woman is that I attract my opposite. This is someone who’s nonchalant and won’t let me know when I’m pushing him too far. I walk all over these guys, and I don’t want to be with them. It’s not cute to be wishy-washy and apathetic. It is hot to set boundaries and demand the same respect from me that I would demand from a partner. It is hot to know that I still want to be asked out by you, not the other way around.
  4. I’m tired of ending up with passive dudes. This. Is. The. Worst. When you drive the beginning of a relationship all on your own, it sets a disturbing precedent. I always get impatient and make the first move, but then I end up with guys who don’t communicate at all. I never know what they want or if they’re happy, nor do I get what I want and deserve from them. They just lie back and assume I’m going to take control like always, but I don’t want that. I have to break the cycle.
  5. I can be strong and still be soft too. Stop putting me and other awesome women like me in boxes! We’re all complex, layered humans. Just because I’m strong and independent in some areas doesn’t mean that I’m not also vulnerable, and afraid, and looking for honest connections with other people. I’m not a bitch. I just say what I mean and know what I want. If he ends up with me, he’ll find that I’m one of the most passionate and loving people you’ll ever encounter. He just has to take a chance and find out.
  6. Wanting to be treated well doesn’t make me weak. There’s a difference between a guy respecting and adoring you or treating you like a second-class citizen. It’s quite a clear difference, actually. If you don’t know it when you see it, I’m worried about you. A strong woman demands the same devotion that she extends to the person she loves. When she doesn’t get it, she walks. He needs to just ask me out already! I don’t bite.
  7. It’s sexy to feel desired. When I know a guy wants me and when he actively pursues me, I’m all about it. I’m much more likely to give a guy who isn’t usually my type a chance if he does this. I can be really into another dude, but if he’s super lazy and not that into me…no thanks. There’s no joy in chasing a guy. I’ve figured that out the hard way.
  8. Having manners doesn’t make him a caveman. Actually, not having manners does. Being assertive and ambitious and knowing what he wants — me — is all very hot. Being considerate and a feminist who appreciates my strength and individuality? Even better! I want a man who can walk right alongside me and do so with grace and integrity. Nothing wrong with that.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.