I’m Super Ambitious And I Need A Guy Who Is Similar

After working in a corporate environment for a few years out of college, I finally decided to start freelancing and build my own business. I thought it was going to be a great life, except I forgot to factor in for one thing: my partner. I’m a career-oriented woman, and I need a guy who is too, but you’d be surprised to find out how hard finding one can be.

  1. I can’t stand a guy with no goals. Why do we exist if we’re not working towards something bigger and better? I’m not saying that there’s no reason to love someone besides their work. I can love a guy for his sense of humor and his authenticity, but that’s not the point. Having something to aspire to is inspiring and I can’t imagine being with someone who lacks ambition.
  2. Laziness is not an option. We’ve been out of high school for years, so there’s no excuse for slacking off. I get it if a guy wants to slow down every now and then — don’t we all? Spending all day in bed binge-watching House of Cards and eating takeout is good for the soul on occasion, but if that’s his everyday life, there’s a serious problem.
  3. Not having a career is a huge turnoff. I’m a strong believer in the idea that every single human being is good at something. It doesn’t matter what it is — some people are great sailors, others are cut throat lawyers. Wherever a guy’s strength lies is fine with me, so long as he knows it and takes advantage of it. I don’t want to be with someone who’s content with the status quo — he needs to want more for himself.
  4. I can’t always be paying for everything. I understand that he might earn less than I do and that’s fine. I don’t care if I make more money than him, but he has to have a job. He has to prove that he has the ability to be responsible and consistent in a professional environment. I’m not willing to spend all my money on someone who simply doesn’t want to work. I’m sorry, but reason comes before emotion in this case.
  5. I want him to be my partner, not my sex toy. To me, a relationship is a partnership. I want someone to be the Frank Underwood to my Claire. If he has no career goals to crush, that means I’m just dating a big sex doll. I don’t want that. I want to see him fight for what he wants and succeed. I want to be the partner of an accomplished guy, not a bum with no determination.
  6. If he’s unemployed, he’ll resent me eventually. I wouldn’t be able to date a guy without a career even if I wanted to. As a business owner, I work every single day. My lifestyle and my work are so intertwined that I can be out jogging and answering e-mail simultaneously. I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t get the importance of that. Making me put my phone down and miss a deadline sets me up for failure. Why would I want a dude who doesn’t want me to succeed?
  7. How can I be a part of his future if he doesn’t have one? Not having a career is kind of like not being on Facebook. It means he doesn’t exist. I’m not saying that he should devote all his time to his work. He does have to have a strategy to stay afloat in the future, though. I’d like to be with someone who won’t be homeless and needing to live on my couch a year from now.
  8. If he doesn’t understand my passion for a career, then we won’t be able to connect. If I’m dating a guy who just wants to get by in life with minimal effort, he’ll never understand why I work so hard. He’ll never know why I want to travel, to own a business and to be my own boss. How can we connect if our core values are different?
  9. There’s plenty of time to find the right guy. If my current partner isn’t career-oriented, I’ll go find another one. I have my whole life to find love — for now, my career comes first. I know the old adage that a job won’t keep me warm at night, but I’m still not willing to sacrifice my professional goals for personal companionship at this stage of my life.
  10. If he lacks career goals, he lacks maturity. Nine out of 10 guys I’ve met who haven’t had career aspirations have also been super immature.I don’t know what the correlation is but I know I’m onto something. Ambition and a strong work ethic only come when you’ve got your act together, so if he lacks the former, he definitely doesn’t have the latter. No thanks.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.