I’m Tired Of Guys Who Seem Crazy About Me And Then Give Me Nothing But Excuses

I meet the guy, he’s really into me. We go on a few dates and he’s totally smitten. Then, without warning, he bolts. He either ghosts me or tells me that he’s not into anything serious. Wait, what? Am I the only one this stuff happens to? I’m so tired of this BS:

  1. “I do like you, I’m just not ready.” I’m so sick of feeling like I have to be put through highs and lows with guys who are all over the place. They’re the problem, not me. Dealing with lots of guys who have given me mixed messages in the past has taught me that, so I refuse to jump on their ride or believe that they’re not ready for a relationship. What a copout.
  2. “But I do really like you!” These guys have given me trust issues. It’s hard to hit the dating scene again with renewed optimism when so many guys are like this. It’s made me seriously worried about getting screwed over again, to the point where I’ve held back a lot and even pushed away some good guys.
  3. “I don’t know what I want.” Am I attracting confused guys? I’ve dealt with many guys who seemed to be so into me and then changed overnight that it really made me wonder if I’m the one to blame. Perhaps I attract them by being so eager to please, so willing to help, and so interested. It gives them no challenge. It’s still not a good enough reason to treat people like crap, though.
  4. “You knew it was casual.” Some confused AF guys would come into my life and charm me, and I wouldn’t act worthy of more. I took what they had to give without having high standards, which probably made me seem insecure and like I didn’t value myself. It was really easy for them to come in, get what they wanted, pretend to be into me and then claim it was all in good fun.
  5. “You’re the most amazing woman, but I’m the problem.” Really? Go take your flattery elsewhere! I won’t believe the attention or compliments they give me anymore. Instead of feeling I must prove myself, they’re the ones who have to earn my trust and attention. I don’t care how charming, sweet and kind they seem to be in the beginning. That’s always part of their strategy.
  6. “I’m going through a rough patch.” No, you’re self-destructing because you’re damaged. I’m sorry, but a guy who seems to be so into a woman and then changes completely is not right in the head. He’s got serious issues which is why he self-destructs. Men like that have to stay the hell away from me.
  7. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.” These kinds of toxic guys are not trustworthy and they’re not trying to find someone they can spend their lives with. They’re all about love being a game and they play to win, without caring who they hurt in the process. Like hell do they care about anyone else’s feelings. Players are not worth a second of my time.
  8. “I don’t want a relationship right now.” I’m tired of being the one who gets hurt by commitment-phobes. These guys bolt when they want to and then take the coward’s route by claiming they’re not looking for a relationship. Then why the hell have you been wasting my time?
  9. “I’m so busy right now.” Dating games are not worth it. I’ve found that they often occur when one partner is being shifty and the other feels like she has to put on a front in order to save face. When a guy would be hot and cold — available one minute but way too busy the next — it made me feel I should also play hard to get. But I’m not the type of person who wants to play games. I want something real!
  10. “I meant everything I said.” But you’re not dating me, for God’s sake. That means you lied about everything! After getting dumped by a guy who seemed to be really into me but wasn’t, I’d feel really down. I’d wonder why he changed, without realizing that he lied to me from the beginning. Even when he was his most chivalrous and sweet, he’d been putting on an act to some extent. A guy who’s really into a woman won’t blow hot and cold like that unless he’s deceiving her on some level.
  11. “You were too much for me.” The worst part about dealing with guys like this is that they often leave me feeling like I’m “too much” for them. But they can’t turn the tables on me. They’re the ones who can’t deal with anything real. I’d rather be honest about my feelings and desires, rather than hide them or pretend to be something I’m not. That’s just what losers do.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.