So many women deal with romantic partners, co-workers, and random catcallers on the street calling them “crazy” the moment they call guys out for being wrong or just plain ignorant and I’m no exception. Here’s why I’m sick and tired of men using this word to invalidate my feelings and opinions.
I’ve never had my sanity questioned by an emotionally stable man. I obviously haven’t gotten along perfectly with every man I’ve dated, but the ones who called me “crazy” were never the ones who knew how to resolve conflict like adults. Ironically, the men who call me nuts are always the ones who throw things when they’re angry and think that the silent treatment is an acceptable way to communicate their frustration with someone.
It’s such an easy cop-out for them. Rather than putting in the work to deal with their own problems at the root, so many guys that I’ve met prefer to just call me crazy and call it a day. It prevents them from having to accept any culpability. After all, if I’m the one who’s out of my mind, there’s nothing they could do to fix things, right?
It makes me feel worse about my own mental health. I have anxiety and depression and they affect my life in a lot of negative ways. I already hate how much my brain seems to be working against me, so even though I know it’s not true when a guy calls me insane, it still hits a nerve. I have to fight off the thoughts that maybe I am more unstable than I think and it sucks.
It used to make me question my own reality. The first time a former boyfriend called me crazy, I really took it to heart. I wondered why someone who loved me would say such a thing about me if it wasn’t true. Now, I’m older, wiser, and way more secure in myself. I no longer wonder if I really am the mentally unstable one in the relationship, but I still feel bad for the younger version of myself who wondered if her version of reality was skewed.
I’m not crazy, I’m just intuitive. My intuition has never been wrong when it comes to feeling like a guy was cheating on or lying to me. Some of the men who have done me wrong tried to pass off my gut feeling as me being paranoid, but after seeing this happen time and time again, I’ve proudly accepted that I should just trust my intuition the next time it’s trying to tell me something instead of trusting the man who tells me I’m freaking out over nothing.
My supposed instability is used as a distraction. I can’t count the number of times I’ve brought up a guy’s own bad behavior to him only for him to try to divert the conversation away from his issues and use it to question my own mental health instead. If a guy thought that my anxiety was driving a wedge between us or that I had extreme unfounded trust issues, I really wouldn’t be annoyed with him bringing it up. Using it as a diversion when it’s time for him to confront his own BS? Nah, dude.
I’m never the only “crazy” woman in their lives. If I were the only woman a man had ever called “crazy,” I’d maybe take a step back and examine my behavior. However, that’s never, ever how it works. These dudes always have “crazy” exes that they’ve told me about too. I used to believe men when they told me that literally all the women they’d dated were nuts, but if a guy tells me that now, I know that it’s just a red flag telling me that he’s the problem in all his relationships.
I’m sure they say even worse things behind my back. As much as I hate it, I know that as soon as I cut things off with the men who call me “nuts,” they go around telling anyone who will listen that they escaped the clutches of yet another psycho. If they’re bold enough to tell me that I’m crazy to my face, there’s no telling what comes out of their mouths after I’m not around to call them on their ignorance.
I know these guys will never change. I used to try to fight back against these men, but now, I just bail the first time they call me “crazy” to get ahead in an argument. I know that I’m far from the first woman they’ve insulted to dismiss their own actions, and I definitely won’t be the last. The only thing I can do is to remove myself from their lives as soon as I can.
Just because I don’t believe them doesn’t mean I’m not annoyed. I know that I’m not actually crazy and that this is a common tactic that many women experience when arguing with men who want to discredit them. Still, having to deal with it in any capacity is irritating. It feels like someone is deliberately spelling my name wrong just to get under my skin, only in this case, they’re questioning the very essence of who I am. I’m over it.
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