I’m Trying To Find Love, But It Feels Like Most Men Just Want To Find Sex

I’m an independent woman and I’m not ashamed to admit that I want to find love in my life. Unfortunately, it feels as if most guys aren’t looking for the same kind of relationship I am. While I’m looking for long-term love, it feels like most of the men around me are only interested in getting laid.

  1. I’m not giving into hookup culture. I don’t care what anyone else does in regard to sex. I’m not going to let society tell me what to do or how to act. Hookup culture might be rampant but that doesn’t mean I have to partake in it. Men and women have every right to sleep around, but I also have every right not to. I want love, not just sex.
  2. I won’t be pressured into sleeping with someone. I’m not going to have sex with a man just so he’ll stay with me. There’s nothing romantic about that. It’s my choice whether or not I let him into my bed and I won’t be bullied into it. If he’s using sex as an ultimatum, then I’ll always choose for him to say goodbye to me.
  3. I don’t think sex is the most important aspect of a relationship. Not even close. What about love, friendship, trust, and respect? I don’t want a relationship with a foundation built purely on good sex. That’s not going to keep me interested. I might like being in his bed but I won’t care to have him in the rest of my life, and that kind of “relationship” will only ever be able to fulfill one of my needs.
  4. I want a man who actually loves me. Not just one who wants to sleep with me. I want a man who thinks of me as more than just a warm body because I’m worth so much more. I have a lot more to offer a man than sex. I’m funny, smart, and creative. I want to be loved for who I am as a person, not just how I am in bed.
  5. If he really likes me, he’ll know I’m worth the wait. Sex shouldn’t be the ultimatum of any relationship. If he doesn’t want to date me just because I’m not going to give it up, then I don’t want anything to do with me. If he really liked me and if he was really worthy of my time, he’d know that being with me in that way is completely worth the wait.
  6. I love sex, as long as it’s with someone I genuinely care about. Like most women, I’m not completely turned off to sex, not with the right person. That’s the thing, though—it has to be with a man I truly love. I love the passion and I love the physical act of love but not meaningless sex. That’s the difference.
  7. I don’t know how many men actually want to find love. There are a lot of fish in the sea but how many of those fish are looking for just sex? That brings the odds of finding love way down. Where does one go to find the guys looking for love and not sex? How do I tell the players from the good guys? At the end of the day, I just want to know how many men actually want to build something real for more than just one night.
  8. I’m worried that dreaming of marriage makes me old-fashioned. Is marriage an outdated concept? Well, I don’t think so, but it’s starting to feel like most other people do. Have I become part of the minority? Is monogamy a thing of the past? I’m still dreaming of a man I can spend my life with, but a man’s fairytale might just be finding a woman to spend the night.
  9. A lot of men can’t seem to divulge their true intentions. Leading women on seems to be a common practice. Instead of telling me they’re just looking for sex, they act as if they want something more. I think we’re headed for a relationship but they know we’re simply headed to the bedroom. I’m upfront about what I want. I just wish men could do the same.
  10. I don’t want to believe that most men aren’t good guys. That’s how it feels, though. Not as if all the good men are taken, but that the good men are simply gone, vanished, disappeared into thin air. It’s as if good men are on the list of endangered species and what I’m left with is a bunch of sex-craved animals who couldn’t care less about falling in love.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.