I Only Seem Unapproachable Because The Way Guys Approach Me Sucks

I’ve been called unapproachable a few times in my life and it always surprises me, especially since I’m single and making a concerted effort to seem friendly and open. WTF? In reality, I’m not hard to talk to at all — it’s the guys who are trying to hit on me that are the problem. Here’s why:

  1. Their pickup lines are lame AF. I hate pickup lines and always have. When a guy comes over to chat to me and uses one (or several — and yes, that’s actually happened), I can’t help but roll my eyes and look away. Seriously, pickup lines went out of style with Justin Timberlake’s noodle hairstyle. Just talk to me like a normal human being.
  2. I don’t lower the wall to just anyone. I am fussy about who I interact with and don’t see why I should change that about myself. It’s actually one of my best qualities because it keeps crappy people out of my life. I’m not obliged to being overly familiar and warm just because I caught his eye. He actually has to put in a little more effort.
  3. I need a real connection, not a fake one. I’m not interested in a guy who texts me with ‘hey’ and then expects me to make conversation. WTF? I’m fuelled by real depth, not weak attempt at conversation. He’s obviously bored or lonely when he sends that message, but if he has nothing more to say, what’s the point? I won’t respond to half-hearted texts, so he may as well not bother.
  4. They’re not who they’re trying to appear to be. I consider myself a pretty good judge of character and I can tell when a guy is trying to BS me from a mile away. If he’s pretending to be someone he’s not — working too hard to seem funny, charismatic, etc. — then I’m going to have to walk away.
  5. I’m worth the chase, but they aren’t even breaking out a sweat. I’ve never been in the business of rolling over and making it easy for guys to reach me. I can be challenging, I know that, but I’m worth the investment and am willing to give just as much as I get if he’s the right guy. If he assumes I’m easy to figure out and get close to, however, he’s got another thing coming.
  6. No, I’m not playing hard to getIn the past, I’ve experienced chatting to a guy half-heartedly and then being accused of playing hard to get with him. Uh, no. Just because I don’t like someone doesn’t mean I’m playing games. I’d prefer he play a totally different game. It’s a game for one called “GTFO of my face.”
  7. I warm up when people are worth my time. Really. If he looks like he’s genuinely interested and treats me with respect and kindness, there’s no reason why I won’t return the same and be nice and easy to talk to. I’m really not a bitch.
  8. If a guy’s an arrogant jerk, he shouldn’t bother. There’s nothing that turns me off quicker than an arrogant guy, and I won’t give one a second of my time. He can call me uptight all he wants, but we both know he’s the problem. He needs to show some humility.
  9. Same for the selfish jerks. I’ve been on way too many terrible first dates where the guy’s only interested in talking about himself. If it wasn’t a guy who actually made me look through his work portfolio until I wanted to cry, it was the guy who made me watch painful videos of himself playing the trumpet. What BS. I’m done trying to be nice. Conversation is a two-way stret.
  10. They’re just looking to score and it’s so obvious. It’s so stupid when men approach women and act like they’re so into us, slathering thick charm over us when they’re actually checking out every other pretty woman in the room. They’re like dogs searching for the nearest and most convenient fire hydrant where they can do their business. I’m not here for it, sorry.
  11. This is about their ego. A lot of the time, a guy is all about his ego when approaching a woman, whether this is in the romantic sense or not. He wants to look good, so he’ll brag about the cool car he drives or his career accomplishments. Yeah, excuse me while I tag him on social media as the biggest a-hole.
  12. On a scale of fun to root canal, most guys are the root canal. I want engaging, fun conversations. If I can see that’s not going to happen, I’m not going to sit around and waste time chatting about the weather or latest sport results while we clutch onto our drinks and look awkward.
  13. I’d rather not be too nice. I’ve learned that it’s often best not to be too nice to a guy who won’t catch a hint that he’s boring or arrogant. It’s like the minute I try to be polite, the guy thinks I’m flirting and then it’s really tough to make him get the idea that I’m not into him. Better to reel in the smiles from the beginning.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.