Are You In Love Or Just Obsessed? Here’s How You Tell The Difference

There’s a fine line between being into a guy and being completely and utterly consumed with him, and once you cross it, there may be no going back. The worst part is that the line is so undefined, you might not even realize when you’ve gone to the other side. Here’s how you know you’re not in love, you’re downright obsessed with him:

  1. You literally can’t stop thinking about him. Ever. It’s not just a figure of speech, it’s your reality. Every waking moment, he’s on your mind. You daydream about him, fantasize about your future together, and you can’t seem to focus on anything else. He’s all that really matters in your life and that’s why he’s always on your brain. Yikes.
  2. You show up places you think he’ll be. Any chance you have of running into him is a chance you’re going to take. You drive past his house to see if he’s home and if he’s not, then scratch tonight’s plans because you’re going out. You know his favorite bars, restaurants, and clubs — wherever he’s going to be, you’ll find him.
  3. You stalk his entire online presence. It’s not enough for you to follow him everywhere in person, you have to virtually stalk him as well. You have alerts set up when he tweets, posts, or gets tagged on Facebook or Instagram. You check every single profile he has multiple times a day. You need to know what he’s doing at all times because your whole world pretty much revolves around him.
  4. You can’t concentrate on work. Does anything in your life other than him really matter? Not anymore. You love him so much that your career is taking the backseat. It’s a ‘can’t eat, can’t sleep, and definitely can’t work’ kind of situation. If it’s not bettering your chances with him, then to you even when it’s just not worth it, because why would you want a future without him in it?
  5. You hate every other woman in his life. In all honesty, jealousy is an ever-present feeling in your life. If it were up to you, he’d be rid of every woman he knows except for you. You don’t want him to have female coworkers, friends, or even exes. Your deepest desire is for him to cut all contact with every woman but you. WTF?
  6. You put his wants and needs before your own. Truth be told, he’s the most important thing in your life. He’s your top priority so much so that the rest of the list is pretty much forgotten. Your world revolves around him. It’s all about what he wants and what he needs, and what do you want and need for yourself? To make him happy at any cost.
  7. You worry like you’re his mother. At any given moment, you’re worrying about him—where he is, whom he’s with, what he’s doing. The fact that he’s away from you gives you major anxiety. If he’s not with you, then how do you know he’s safe? You’re so obsessed that you’ve crossed the line from lover to smother.
  8. Your life’s mission is to make him happy. That’s what your whole day revolves around —fulfilling his every desire. When he’s sad, you’re sad. When he’s angry, you’re angry with yourself. If he’s not feeling good, it’s your fault. You blame yourself for his every emotion because you think it’s your job to make him happy, but you couldn’t be more wrong.
  9. You love him so much, you neglect yourself. You’re no longer a priority in your own life. All you care about is him — you no longer matter. He’s the important thing here. This relationship is entirely about him and nothing about you. You don’t want him to sacrifice a thing, and the only person sacrificing is you. You love him so much that you have no room left to love yourself too.
  10. You barely know him but you’re still sure he’s Mr. Right. When it comes down to it, you don’t really know the real him. You’re somehow in love with him even though you only know bits and pieces of who he is. If you don’t really know him then the love isn’t real. You’re in love with an idea, not a person, and that’s why this little fantasy has become your obsession.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.